Ten Signs You May STILL BE a Witness ...

by The Berean 6 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  The Berean

  #10) You refuse to eat Lucky Charms breakfast cereal

  #9) You attribute your daughter’s drug addiction to an autographed picture you found in her room of Peter, Paul, and Mary

  #8) You forbid your children to view a fictional movie featuring adult themes while you conduct a real life home Bible study with an alcoholic prostitute.

  #7) You will not walk near or under wind chimes for fear of contact with demons.

  #6) You recently burned a perfectly good set of Goodyear American Eagle tires.

  #5)) You blame obvious erections occurring at the KH as young “hot” sisters pass by on “tight underwear.”

  #4) When shopping for an auto you will not even consider vehicles with objectionable names such as Saturn, Pontiac Solstice, and most certainly not a “Hummer.”

  #3) As a Sister you explain to the Committee that Satan is disguising himself as a hard penis living next door … who somehow you innocently just keep “bumping in to.” They give you a pass and tag his address as "bad association."

  #2) Your favorite CD is entitled: “Best of Kingdom Melodies.”

  #1) You weigh 357 lbs, claim that rather than the enormous amount of junk food you consume it is an “imperfect thyroid” passed on to you by Eve which accounts for your obesity. The Elders by it and count both seats that your “fat ass” occupies for meetings in their attendance figures.
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  NewYork44M

  You refuse to eat Lucky Charms breakfast cereal

  Not only would I not eat that cereal, I will not let my kids eat it. Has nothing to do with demons, just the high sugar content.
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  WTWizard

  There is only one reason I do not eat Lucky Charms cereal. And sugar is not it. The marshmallows have gelatin, a source of free processed glutamic acid (gelatin is about 12% glutamic acid). That is the active part of MSG. And, it can ruin your brain, leading one right back into the cancer. Nothing to do with demons.

  As for my favorite CD, it happens to be The Massacre by 50 Cent. That has to be one of the "dirtiest" CDs by witless standards. I can't even stand Kingdumb Maladies--and I have either erased or destroyed any recordings that contained Kingdumb Maladies (the tapes can be erased with a bulk eraser and then recorded by putting Scotch tape on the holes, recording Christmas or rap music on them).
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  SPAZnik

  lmao - those are funny berean
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  smiddy

  #`s 8 ,5, & 3 aren`t reconcilable with the thread.
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  four candles

  My Kingdumb malardies tapes now have Joe Satriani on them............................Mr Potato Head just about sums them all up!!
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  WTWizard

  First, my Kingdumb sxxx tapes all got erased and recorded with rap music. My Kingdumb sxxx records got "left" when I moved. And I never ordered any Kingdumb sxxx on CDs. I think that pretty much solved that problem.

  Nor do I have any Kingdumb sxxx on my computer, on mini discs, or MP3 files.