| Your last name stays put. |
| The garage is all yours. |
| Wedding plans take care of themselves. |
| Chocolate is just another snack. |
| You can be president. |
| You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. |
| Car mechanics tell you the truth. |
| The world is your urinal. |
| You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. |
| Same work, more pay. |
| Wrinkles add character. |
| Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100. |
| People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. |
| The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. |
| New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. |
| One mood, ALL the time. |
| Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. |
| You know stuff about tanks. |
| A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. |
| You can open all your own jars. |
| You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. |
| If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. |
| Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. |
| Everything on your face stays its original colour. |
| Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. |
| You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. |
| You almost never have strap problems in public |
| You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. |
| The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. |
| You don't have to shave below your neck. |
| Your belly usually hides your big hips. |
| One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons. |
| You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife. |
| You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. |
| You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes. |