It's been almost a year since I became inactive. I had the initial "we miss you and please come back to the meetings" phase and then slowly, very slowly it became a trickle and then nothing.
I attended the Memorial for the last time and silently said to myself, this is it, it's really over.
Going to the Memorial was really confirmation for me that there is no real love among the witnesses and that most are just acting a part they have played thousands of times over.
I was already missing meetings when I became inactive, but now a year has gone by, I feel completely detatched from the old life I used to lead and it feels that someone else lived that life. I must be healing and getting better.
I'm sorry if this upsets any of you who are still in and forced by circumstance to keep going. I honestly thought I would be one of those who would never be able to leave. I know that the memories of JWdom are very much fresh in your minds, as they are in mine.
It is only the daily routine of being a witness that I am forgetting about. Occasionally I see JWs from my hall who are out preaching and I think to myself, did I really do that just a year ago? You know you are on the path to recovery when you forget about meeting night's, preparing for various meetings and only having to wear a suit a few times a year, assuming that wearing a suit is not a requirement of your day job.
I still have family and friends who are in and I have to keep up the pretense that I still go and believe, but other than that, it feels like a door has closed on my past. I guess that's a good thing and I can look forward to what the future may bring.
On the odd occasion I am reminded of my former affiliation when I see the witnesses work my street, and I look at them with sadness - those who are young are giving their best years to the organization; those who are old have already given their best years.
Being raised in the truth, as I was, gives you a unique perspective of the world, it's people, the universe and God and I am enjoying just being able to do my own thinking instead of someone else's.
I still enjoy visiting this site to catch up on topics of interest, and, as a former investor in the organization, I do have a vested interest in what becomes of it, particularly as I gave them the "years of my young manhood."
I truly believe that the organization is on the verge of change, but not for the better. There does seem to be a consciousness, perhaps an ill feeling that something, somewhere is very wrong.
The passing of time and the things hoped for have not been made manifest to a captive audience of seven million people who were hoping to learn the identity of the king of the north and discern the nearness of Armaggedon.