Help

by Newborn 5 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Newborn

  Dear All,

  How do you help someone who doesn't want to live anymore?

  My cousin, who seemingly has everything, good looks, a good job, a husband and family who loves her, has absolutely no wish to go on living. She finds no joy in anything. Her only reason to stay alive is of consideration of her family but one day that won't stop her either I'm afraid. She just has so much sorrow in her soul. She loves dogs and will soon get one as a last attempt she says...

  She's an inactive witness and seriously doubt the WT hence that makes her anxiety worse losing hope abt paradise.

  I love her so much but I feel so helpless. It has gone so far and just saying you love her etc doesn't help anyone who's that depressed.
  Do you think there's anything I can do to help her feel joy again?

  She's on medication and gets therapy.

  Thanks for your support.
  Love Newborn
• 

  John Doe

  That's a tough one. If she's getting professional help and medication, then she's where she needs to be. The only thing you can do is pay attention to her and be there for her.
• 

  C. T. Russell

  I’m not qualified to answer.
  
  But I think allot people have put things off in their lives because in paradise there will be plenty of time. I can’t count the number times someone said “In the New System I will learn…” painting, drawing, music, botany, gardening, science, astronomy, cooking, woodworking, etc, etc...
  
  Medication and therapy is good for now. But at some point she needs to fill that hole in her life. I’m not a big fan of religion, but I would rather see someone join another religion vs. being depressed or suicidal.
  
  Maybe see if you can’t get her involved in something. Doesn’t matter what just something that gets her out of the house a couple times a week. Something that gets her around other people. If she gets involved in other things and people she may find some new joys in her life.
  
  I don’t want to just say “Join a club” so here are a couple of examples. I know one woman that joined a Belly Dance class. Now she has twenty new best friends. They meet for class and always hang out afterwards eating and talking. They also take trips to see professional shows out of town. That means staying hotels and having “road trips”. Plus twice a year they put on elaborate shows at the local mall.
  
  Personally I joined a skydiving club which keeps me occupied. It’s a pretty tight group that is always looking for new converts. Most people try it once and leave. If you go back a second time you’re like one of the family.
  
  Doesn’t matter what it is; just get her around more people.
  
  C. T
• 

  deemoo

  Hey...

  I can relate. I went through some pretty intense depression last year.

  At that point, I had lovely supportive parents, was studying engineering at a top world ranked university, had friends I could talk to and yet, I felt worthless and wished I was dead. I felt even more worthless because I had all these things going so well for me, and yet I didn't appreciate them and so wished I was dead so someone else could get the benefits.

  For me, the medication helped. The counselling didn't help that much - mostly because I felt that the counsellor didn't care. (In reality, and in hindsight, I think she did care, but was clinically detached - just like they teach you in med school)

  I can't help with the WT side of things - maybe getting a counsellor who has some experience with cult mentality can help there...

  But from your side, let her talk every day. You don't have to say anything to her, or even remind her of all the things she has going good... for that may just make her feel more guilty about feeling the way she does. Just let her talk to you, tell you about what is making her sad... or if she can't pinpoint what it is, then just tell you what she did in the day.

  Important - encourage her to get some exercise! Go out for a walk together every day if you live in the same place. Walk kids to school. Go for a swing in the nearby playground when all the kids are at school. Do some yoga. ANY exericse, even if it just gets her out of the house for only 15 minutes, will help.

  Lastly, ask her to talk to the doctor about increasing her dosage. I've been on 30mg of Citalopram for the last year. I call them my happy pills :) While the medication controls my sadness, suicidal impulses & crying bouts.... I'm working on building up a positive mindset, getting qualified in a field I love and enjoying life.

  I sincerely hope she gets through this.

  *hugs*

  Dee
• 

  Newborn

  Thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate.

  Dee, thanks for telling your own experience. That is very helpful. Maybe a dog can help her then. She will definately get out more and meet more people. Go on dog shows/exhibitions and dog courses etc.

  I will also not ask her so much but let her open her heart to me if she feels like it.

  I'm glad you're feeling better in your own struggles. Best of luck!

  Love N
• 

  LouBelle

  There was a time in my life when I wanted to end things. I also didn't find joy in living and it was more of a chore than a life. I started selling my things one by one, giving away my jewellry. I was so depressed and I honestly couldn't figure out why....did being a JW have a part to play in it, I couldn't say.

  I somehow pulled myself out of it.

  I'm not sure how others would advise you to speak to her but I'm the type that will invite her around for a home cooked meal and then ask her about it outright - ask her why, how, this, that. Ask her when she last felt happy / alive. Being happy takes work sometimes....but it's baby steps. She should do something, no matter how small it is that brings her absolute delight - honestly even if it's getting her favorite chocolate and saving it, or doing something she truly enjoys. To see life as a gift is a truly wonderous thing.

  And though you may not think that letting her know you love and care for her has an effect, keep doing it. Perhaps now and again buy your friend a bunch of fresh flowers or give her a persoanlised card. There are so many ways.