Perceived Lack of Choice

by rebel8 3 Replies latest jw friends

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  rebel8

  Cultists, although under strong coercion, do have choices. Maybe it's just a matter of getting them to realize they do have the choice. It can be empowering to stop using language like, "I can't," and replace it with, "I choose not to for today".

  William Glasser, known for Reality Therapy, is somewhat harsh and overly simplistic IMHO but he makes some very good points.

  The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory

  1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
  2. All we can give another person is information.
  3. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
  4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
  5. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
  6. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World.
  7. All we do is behave.
  8. All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology.
  9. All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.
  10. All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.

  Relationships and our Habits

  Seven Caring Habits		Seven Deadly Habits
  1.	Supporting	1.	Criticizing
  2.	Encouraging	2.	Blaming
  3.	Listening	3.	Complaining
  4.	Accepting	4.	Nagging
  5.	Trusting	5.	Threatening
  6.	Respecting	6.	Punishing
  7.	Negotiating differences	7.	Bribing, rewarding to control
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  PrimateDave

  All Total Behavior is chosen

  It sounds good, but I think it assumes that humans are rational creatures. Our perceptions can be altered in ways that we are not consciously aware of. I read about people who commit robberies because they don't have enough money to pay their bills. The rational point of view is that they made a wrong choice, and now their circumstances are even worse than before.

  How did they "rationalize" committing their crimes? Did they actually believe they had no other choice? Did the individual's circumstances make the act a perceived path of least resistance? I don't know for certain, but I imagine that human emotions and individual circumstances play a far greater role in behaviors than rational and logical decision making. All of this rambling qualified with a big "imho."

  Dave
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  jamiebowers

  I absolutely agree, Rebel The whole time I was suffering through a very abusive, dangerous marriage as and to a jw, a "worldly" schoolmate of mine kept repeating, "You don't have to live like this." It took me years to realize that it was true. Unfortunately, at the time, I could only see as far saving my life. I didn't realize that I had an option to just fade. The only two choices the elders put before me were to either stay in the marriage or hang around long enough to see whether this crazy man would choose to commit adultery or murder. Given those two choices, I offered to da myself, but they said they would df me instead. And they did.

  I am so glad that there are now forums like this for information such as what you have posted. Hopefully many who wish to leave will find the strength to overcome the coersion of the cult.
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  rebel8

  Yes PD, he's overly harsh on some of his points, isn't he?

  I thought the relationship table might be helpful for jws in seeing what constitutes a healthy relationship. If your family, your clergy, your friends are doing these things to you, that's a very unhealthy relationship. I thought in particular #5 and 6 were very relevant to jws.

  Sometimes I wish I had a literal scale to show people. Zero is the default where the scale goes when it's not weighed down. Zero is the scale's "normal". Instead of wasting energy trying to figure out how to outsmart abnormal people, set your scale at zero and let them be the abberation....if they end their relationship with you, that's their choice, but it's them making the unhealthy choice, not you.

  Obviously this is an oversimplified solution, but perhaps one that bears consideration.