FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying
male or female?
by John Doe 4 Replies latest social humour
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John Doe
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The Berean
How to Tell the Sex of a FlyA woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?"
She asked.
"Hunting Flies"
He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"He responded,"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone. -
John Doe
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,
'No, I never did dance, -- just never wanted to.'
A crowd had gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned and said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector in order to not get a toe blow off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied.
When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger,
still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back.
The loud, audible double clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The quiet was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer
and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels..
He found it hard to swallow. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.
The old man said, 'Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'
The boy bully swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'
There are two lessons for us all:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people. -
bluecanary
Adam was in the garden of Eden, speaking with God, praising him for creating Eve. But he says to God, "There's something I want to ask you about. How come you made her so beautiful?"
God says, "That's so you would love her."
Adam says, "Well, how come you made her so soft?"
God says, "That's so you would love her."
Adam says, "But how come you made her so dumb?"
God says, "That's so she would love you."
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cognizant dissident
OK, So Adam is moping around the garden of Eden and God says to him, "Adam, why the long face?"
Adam says, "I'm lonely, God.
"No problemo", says God, "here's what I'm gonna do for ya. I'm going to make a beautiful woman for you to have sex with whenever you want and she'll never be too tired or have a headache. She'll bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to change or feed them. She'll cook for you, sew for you and clean for you. She'll never complain or nag you. How does that sound?"
"That sounds GREAT!" says Adam, "but how much is this going to cost me?"
"Only an arm and a leg", answers God.
"What can I get for a rib?" asks Adam....