How I hate thee...WTS

by DJQuimica 8 Replies latest jw experiences

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  DJQuimica

  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and much of it was prompted
  by several of my friends on this forum and in my everyday life. A couple
  of these friends were talking about how they still could not make it known
  publicly that they were either fading or were no longer involved with the
  WTS. Now these are grown people who still have to hide who they are or what
  they believe in. This is so wrong on so many different levels, but I can
  understand why they keep their identity or feelings a secret.
  
  But what I was really thinking about is how if any of the choices I have made
  regarding my lifestyle or religious devotion are prompted as a backlash to being
  in the WTS. Id like to think Im happy, good wife, decent kids, great job, and
  a small business that is actually making money, and great friends. The other
  day I passed some JWs out in field service, and for some reason a felt a tinge of
  sadness. After all these years, after being the poster child for what the JWs would
  consider a worldly person or "bad association", I still felt something. And I
  think it was guilt.
  
  It got me thinking, that maybe some of the decisions I have made were deliberately
  made to contradict what the WTS preaches. I have no regrets as to my choices as far
  as sexuality go, my decision to pursue a higher education, or my decision on how
  to worship or not worship. But why the "guilt". I was never going to be a JW, my parents
  were very progressive and never pushed me to be a JW, and neither is a JW now. I was
  not in an overly oppressive congregation, and liked many of the people there, and many
  are still my friends. So why do I still feel some "guilt?" I hate feeling guilt.

  DJ_Q
• 

  snowbird

  You were indoctrinated by WT as to how you should think and act.

  With time, the guilt will go away.

  Been there, done that, and the scars are slowly fading.

  Peace to you.

  Sylvia
• 

  Hope4Others

  I'm not sure if it ever totally leaves, I think there will always be tiny reflective moments where you catch yourself.

  But its learning to pass it off and remember "I'm free" I don't have to feel this way any longer.

  h4o
• 

  PSacramento

  God's Grace:

  No matter what you do, no matter how much you try, God loves you as much as he can and no matter how many times you screw up and all the crap we can do, God never loves us any less.
• 

  White Dove

  Feeling guilty for doing normal things is sad. I still get that twinge when someone I know accuses me of sounding like an apostate.
• 

  Scarred for life

  DJQuimica:

  I've been out for a long time and I still feel some kind of twinge of emotion when I see JWs out and about doing field service. In my case it is definitely not guilt. It's sadness, pity, relief that I escaped and anger that people are still being fooled by this cult and raising their children in it. Also, there is the knowledge that they look down on me and think that I am wicked. This is mainly hurtful from extended family, not so much strangers.

  You mention that you still have friends that are JWs. Maybe your "guilt" is "survivor's guilt". Like when there is some kind of catastrophe like a plane crash and only a few survive. The survivors many times suffer from terrible guilt that they survived and their fellow passengers did not. Maybe you feel that way about escaping the cult while your friends are still victims.
• 

  DJQuimica

  Im not foolish enough to believe that Im the only one that has felt these same feelings, but just like clockwork, another friend of mine from another forum, writes how though he didnt need the forums anymore and that he felt bad that some of us hadnt moved on. And then he found himself needing the support and encouragment of the forum because he attended a meeting and it brought back so many bad feelings.

  Wow, I was flabbergasted when I read his post, its almost like something triggered this same sentiment in him as it did me. Go figure.

  DJ_Q
• 

  cameo-d

  Being involved in WTS is like being a "made man".

  Once you are in it's hard to escape if ever at all.

  There will always be someone looking over your shoulder; always silent threats.

  The one thing a made man worries about most is the safety of his family.

  But with WTS usually they are already holding some of your family hostage.

  That's why you go along with their program.

  Secret societies/mystery cults are very similar. They don't hold your family. But what they do hold are the "dirty little secrets" and immoral or illegal favors they have gotten you to do for other members. It's what makes you a "brotherhood". You can't really escape because "they've gotten something on you."

  It was the same in Jesus day. That's what the purpose of baptism was all about.

  It was a public declaration of washing yourself from being a member and no longer participating.
• 

  Spike Tassel

  the purpose of baptism is something else, actually

  May we hate what Jehovah hates, love what he loves. He loves us sinners, hates our sin. Proving God to be true beats thinking/ saying/ doing that things that hold us back from His blessings upon us.