How Much Advice Do You Really Want? Or Need?

by AllTimeJeff 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  AllTimeJeff

  One of the more intriguing aspects of the JW forums I have been on is having a (mostly) anonymous poster(s) give advice to you. I know that on many threads started, this advice is solicited.

  On other threads, it isn't, but it still comes in. Thats cool as far as I am concerned, if you put stuff out about yourself, then different people will react differently, and have different takes on it.

  At the same time, I have TONS of advice to give, and my experience as a former elder is to RARELY give it. I am not comfortable with the prospect that someone might listen to my advice, and have it blow up in their face.

  Yet, isn't that what we come here for at times? To at least hear and bounce ideas off of one another?

  Is the advice giver (me or someone else) ultimately responsible if a person takes the advice and it doesn't work? Is this solely on the person who takes the advice?

  Yadayada blah blah blah.... Hope you see where I am going with this....
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  nelly136

  yup bouncing ideas around is one thing,

  years ago someone i knew asked me to go to an inquest with her for support, as the inquest progressed it became glaringly clear that not only had she been very inapropriate with a patient who was on one of the secure wings we worked on, as she'd turned up under the guise of some official capacity. the family had assumed the hospital sent her, the hospital didnt send anyone as no one had reported any problems when his moods deteriorated after his discharge. he hung himself.

  unfortunately he didnt get expert care cos there was a pretend one there already.
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  startingovernow

  Well, if I had gone to you when you were an elder, it would have only been because that is what I was told would help me. You were "spirit-appointed" after all. Would I have done what you told me just because you were an elder? Possibly not, I'd like to hope I wasn't that much of a drone. Actually I would have been surprised if you had any advice to give other than to trust in Jehovah, since that's about all I ever heard from elders besides, "let me find you an article about that."

  As far as what you call advice given here - I think it's important to hear differing points of view. I probably would never have known I had been in acult if I hadn't posted here and someone bluntly made that statement, which prompted me to do research on the matter. It might be a matter of semantics, but I don't think of what is written on this board as advice. I view it as peoples' opinions. Advice to me is something you choose to take or not, opinions are just thoughts people have on a matter. Personally I wouldn't mind hearing more of your opinions on matters, since you have had quite a life. But I wouldn't do something just because you said you thought I should. So, to answer your question, no, posters are not responsible for what they've said in a post not working in someone else's life.
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  OUTLAW

  An exchange of idea`s is cool..

  Unsolicitated advice is rarely wanted,or accepted..

  I especially do not like people who refuse to live by the advice,they so generously dispense..

  ..................OUTLAW
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  AllTimeJeff

  At the same time, I have TONS of advice to give, and my experience as a former elder is to RARELY give it.

  I just want to clarify this, because this statement says a lot about me: When I became an elder, I thought I was going to be giving advice all the time, and the first few times I actually tried, I found it distateful.

  As I got some experience, it became easier, but then, I saw the other side of the coin, where so many didn't want to follow the elders advice, my advice, because they got burned.

  Fast forward to Cameroon, where EVERYONE would have listened to what I said, simply because I was a missionary.

  I come to the ex JW world, and see that a lot of us leave with more questions then answers, and these questions are what we often post about.

  Lately, I am more interested in people doing their own thing, whether that be theist, atheist, pagan, showever every day, shower occasionaly, just as long as they do it for their own reasons. We need to learn to think for ourselves.

  But we often need people to bounce ideas off of one another, as Outlaw said, and I can see the value in that....
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  palmtree67

  When someone gives me advice (whether I asked for it or not) I almost always can find something useful in it.. The un-useful parts I just ignore.

  But chronic advice-givers who don't follow their own advice annoy me.
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  AllTimeJeff

  Thats cool. I appreciate the responses.

  So as not to be coy, my motivation for this is that, yeah, when I see people asking for advice, I would like to give my take. I am tired sometimes of my own "PC" style. Sometimes I equivocate and bullshit too much... (sometimes its necesarry, not all the time)

  This is part of me waking up from my JW haze. When you have been taught "Bullshit" as a language all your life, its hard to get it out of your system.... lol