by highdose 5 Replies latest jw friends
could someone help or explain this to me? i have a relative who was a jw, due to being treated badly by the cong they left and don't intend to go back, but they still belive the jw teachings.and recently told me that they hated to see me turn my back on jehovah???
is there anyway i could help this person? they are currently racked with gulit because they don't attend any more, and if they knew i was on this site, would probably shun me???
its a paradox??
It is impossible to help this person without some risk involved. If you want to explain to them the reasons you no longer attend, that might help.
On the other hand, they may just turn you in to the elders. If you are trying to fade, not such a good idea.
I have found that the walk away believers are the most guilt-ridden people there are. They don't want to hear what is wrong with the borg. They defend it to the end and hate themselves for not being able to live up to their numerous rules.
It's just a case of someone leaving physically, but remaining mentally, a very stagnant state to be in. They can't move forward, but they can't go back either.
In my experience, many who are disfellowshipped still believe it's the truth and that they just aren't good enough to live up to the requirements. They tend to defend it, and still consider themselves "Witnesses" for the most part.
Reading the gospels helped me get free. The more I read the more the Organization sounded like the Pharisees that Jesus condemned. Then I realized how many of their rules are based on the Old Testament.
Leaving the Witnesses also leaves a huge void because the religion touches every single aspect of your life, your thoughts, your hopes (or lack of hope).
We're they both raised as Witnesses? If so, that would explain alot too.
This is very common. Never underestimate the Mind Control/Thought Reform.
Some of these folks are very sad. The 'walking dead', if you will, because they (a) believe it's true and (b) think Jesus is soon going to slit their throat, along with a billion Chinese.
HIGHDOSE- Good comments by everyone here so far. Just expanding a bit on what Leaving WT was saying - it's very true that many cults , including Jehovah's Witnesses inculcate guilt and fear into their members which traps former members exiting to ever move on in life. They are told false things to keep them scared of moving on like they are told " you'll be over come by Satan and become immoral, a raving drug addict , or a drunk rolling around in the street " if you leave the witnesses . Which in most cases is just not true . As a matter of fact most of us end up living much happier lives and can think a lot clearer than we ever did in the WT cult.
Since this friend of yours seems racked with guilt as you stated I would suggest doing something socially with this person that the person enjoys and is good at. And give compliments and commend this person building up their self esteem in authentic ways about just ordinary qualities the person may have. The demeaning things that ALL cults do to people ( including JW's ) is take away their self esteem and make them feel bad about themselves. A person is just a blank hole or number to fill in a mind control cult. So anything YOU can do to spend time talking about Non-witness activities with this person, i.e. - hobbies or interests they have that they might develop outside the cult- then THAT will occupy their minds more and keep them from wallowing in the mire of guilt and self pity after they have stopped attending meetings. Instead of feeling constantly guilty about what they AREN'T doing- they'll be so busy taking proactive steps in life they'll move on from the JW misery. Good luck
You are right, Flipper. Love them for who they truly are. Show them you appreciate their good qualities. Not much of that going on in the witness world.
