by highdose 6 Replies latest jw friends
ok heres somthing i don't understand, may be one of you will be able to give me some insights?
a really nice decent guy i know just asked me out, i said yes, hes taking me to the best resterant in town. should be great...
so why so i feel terrified at the thought of it? it is the first date i've ever been on with guy whose not a jwi should add...
i've no idea, can someone please explain???
apart from any jw 'sin' factor you may be carrying its probably first date nerves.
if its someone youre a bit unfamiliar with
take your mobile , arrange for your 'emergency' get out call beforehand and make sure someone knows who with and where youre going, make sure you have your fare or transport to get you home in case therse any reason you dont want a lift. and be prepared to go dutch if it seems to be one of those i've paid for you now you pay me back scenarios.
ok i'm old fashioned i like to cover the safety bases unless its someone i know well. (and even then i usually take my own transport)
Is it first date nerves or left over mental conditioning from being a JW ? As a JW we are taught going out with someone worldly was a huge NO ,NO that could only end in something bad .
Think through the situation and figure out WHAT you are really afraid of :
1) You know this man ,does he really seem like a serial killer ?? Probably not .
2)You already said "he is nice" so your gut feeling is he will be a good person to get to know further ......go with that
3) You are going to a public place with a friend and having dinner .....basic stuff people do everyday don't make more out of it than there is . Are you afraid someone from the JW world will see you on this date ?
4) A date is just a date it is NOT as we were taught in JWland were dating is not entertainment ,but the means of getting to know a prospective marriage mate. (News flash sometimes it is just entertainment nothing more .) Are you feeling pressure to make more out it than you should ?
Only you can figure out what makes you nervous . If it were me I would use common sense for precautions anyone takes with a first date , then I would go out and have an awesome time and enjoy my life .
Good luck to you have a great date !
You say he is a really nice, decent guy. Do you know how lucky you are? There are not that many of them out there. It will be great.
Everything you have been taught by the JWs is lies. I know that's hard to accept. But you have been a victim of religious and spiritual abuse. Among many other things, what they say about "worldly" men in not true.
You are a wonderful, worthwhile person. You deserve this. Relax. Have a good time. Enjoy every minute. Get to know this man better.
The brainwashing that you have experienced as a JW will gradually become less in your mind. Although, honestly it will never go away completely. You just have to start recognizing it in yourself and will it out of your mind.
Good luck to you. I hope you have a wonderful evening.
Scarred, you have received some wonderful advice here. Your feelings sure bring back memories though. When I was asked out by someone (who I later married BTW) it felt really weird. I had been married in my teens and was divorced after nearly 25 years, so I had NO experience on the dating scene. It is a little scary, but if you take some precautions as others have mentioned, you will be just fine.
Try to think of this as a way to get to know someone better. You are not considering a lifetime commitment here. You also won't owe this man anything, so don't feel obligated to him for anything more than you really wish to do. You can do this, it just takes a little practice.
Relax and have fun! I guarantee it will get easier with each date.
I hear ya... I'm a dude but I've just recently entered the 'real-world' dating scene too, after being a raised-in-the-truth-goody-two-shoes. Although I don't have to worry about the same stuff that women do, it's still scary. It's fun but nerve racking all at the same time. And thanks to my warped JW upbringing I'm terrified of waking up and seeing "Welcome to the World of AIDS" written on the bathroom mirror in lipstick. Well maybe not that specifically, but I do have alot of irrational fear left over from all the horror stories that were pounded into us of those who left the truth and regretted it. How many stories have we heard that follow this formula:
"One young brother left the org., got on drugs, joined a gang, had lots and lots of sex, and later died of sexual poisoning (It can happen!). His last words were... 'If... only... I had been... loyal... to Jehovah.'"
NOoooooo... If ony you hadn't been an idiot.
Anyway, yeah. I'm a little scared too. You're not alone. But I know most of it is irrational fear leftover from being mind-controlled for so long. Just let it make you cautious but don't let it keep you from enjoying 'REAL' life!!! Good luck!
