Chaperones Can Be A Good Thing!

metatron

Sometimes I read negative comments about using chaperones in dating. My opinion is contrarian!

Why? Allow me to explain: it can make dating much more enjoyable. If you're young and socially challenged (i.e a geek, nerd or a mute knuckle dragging jock) being thrown into a strongly traditional culture can be a great relief. You go to a wedding or other gathering. Five or six girls approach you to say hello. You say 'hi' to the hottest looking one and she drags you over to meet her family. She grinds you on the dance floor and demands your phone number. Direct. Honest. To the Point.

There are stolen kisses. There is forbidden passion. There is romance. There is an introverted little sister who gets to go out with a couple and gets the responsibility of observing and gets to do a little growing up herself. There are discreet conversations that get you to work on your personal character. If marriage is your goal, practical matters about career and social connections are addressed and settled. If you are a girl, your worries about 'will I ever get married' may be greatly diminished. If you have no extended family, this may address your inner yearnings to be part of one.

I love Bollywood movies and respect the conservative side of Latino culture. I understand the lust for casual sex and 'Friends with benefits'. However, consider that you may get very tired of these relationships and want something more serious and stable

There are reasons why traditional cultures endure and these reasons may sometimes be subtle and contain a quiet beauty.

metatron

WTWizard

In these cases, chaperones can actually enhance the experience--and even make sure no one gets left out. However, within the witlesses, they are there to do the opposite--preventing anything good from happening. Within the witlesses, they can even bust up the whole thing and make sure people do get left out (Value Destroyer Training School, anyone!?!?).

bluecanary

I've done the chaperone thing and I've done it without. I absolutely prefer the latter. Double dating is a different matter. There's no reason every date has to be alone. You can be with a few friends or a group. I do think at least some dates SHOULD be alone and I think it's best to start sleeping together at some point before you're married, even if you wait until you're engaged.

I took a dating test once that asked a multiple choice question: Which is the best setting in which to get to know your date? (a) going dancing together (b) going bowling or (c) taking a long drive together. The correct question according to the test was C, so that it would give you time to talk. I disagreed. I chose B. You can talk as much as you want while bowling, but you also get to see the person interact with something other than yourself. They can claim to be the most mild-mannered person in the world but if they swear up a storm after a gutter ball, you'll know differently.

My point is, you need a mix. You need to be with them alone so you can talk about things that are personal, things that other people have no business being privy to; also so you can see how they're going to treat you when you're alone. And you need to be around them with other people and activities to see how they treat others and whether the things they say match up to the things they do.

And while I'm all for doing this with a couple of friends, I think having official chaperones is a really bad idea. There's little worse than being the third wheel, especially when you don't have someone of your own. And being invited out only to find that they don't want your company, they just want your services really sucks. For the couple, I think it induces them to behave unnaturally. Whereas if they're just with friends, everyone feels free to be themselves.

angel eyes

We werent ever told we needed a chaperone Think each cong is different...we werent encouraged to be alone though but never told to have chaperones,thankfully. How boring that would be lol.

minimus

What is "Value Destroyer Training School"? Is it the The Theocratic Ministry School? or Elder's School or School of Gilead? Can't you state something without a decoder being needed? Wiz, your posts can be quite good but honestly, can't you try to express things so it's more understandable to dummies like me?

metatron

Being the 'third wheel' is not a problem when the 'rules' are understood and honestly explained. It may also help the person so assigned as I pointed out.

Clearly, it isn't for everyone but I must admit that the current laissez faire attitude about dating/sex has gone too far in the other direction.

You may object to the way a traditional culture classifies women as either saints or whores but that's actually one step better than a modern trend to speak of them all as "ho's" !!! Given that happiness is THE purpose of life, I'm not sure I'm seeing that purpose broadly fulfilled in US society in this area. I'm also amazed to see how feminism has been repudiated in practice ( look at the way young women are portrayed) while giving lip service to the notion.

Nobody seems to understand that this part of human relations is irrational and necessarily so! Why should I work hard to sacrifice for my DNA/genetic expression? Western nations that think that way may find themselves overcome by cultures that don't engage in such reductionism.

That all said, the Society's attitude towards young people continues to be a disaster. How can you be expected to develop into any sort of normal human being while masturbation is wholly forbidden, dating is only for marriage, dancing with the opposite sex is barely allowed - and all this arch conservatism is expected within a context of no holds bared porn on the internet?

Do they lose 80% of young Witnesses? Why not 100%? Good grief!

metatron

cantleave

Angel Eyes, chaperoning is strongly encouraged to prevent the chain of events that will inevetiably result in fornication. Just being alone in a car with a member of the opposite sex is grounds for a JC, especially when some over-righteous snitch grasses you up to the Elders. Keeping the congregation clean is essential otherwise Jehovah's name could be reproached.

Every congregation is the same - the Elders have policy files issued by the WTS and they are more important than the bible, they must be implemented. Please don't believe the organisation is anything other than a high control cult.

shamus100

I agree with you, metatron. Being a one-night stand junkie leads to nothing more than problems.

No, not everyone who leaves the truth becomes sluts and drug-addict drunk cat-beating homosexuals. Although the watchtower would like you to believe that.

bluecanary

That all said, the Society's attitude towards young people continues to be a disaster. How can you be expected to develop into any sort of normal human being while masturbation is wholly forbidden, dating is only for marriage, dancing with the opposite sex is barely allowed - and all this arch conservatism is expected within a context of no holds bared porn on the internet?

I wholly agree with this.

I agree with you, metatron. Being a one-night stand junkie leads to nothing more than problems.

There is a difference between sleeping around and sleeping with your regular boy/girlfriend. I believe it is healthy and beneficial to begin having sex before marriage.

kurtbethel

<Kurt, upon learning his date will have her sister along as a chaperone.>

"Cool, a threesome!"

Chaperones Can Be A Good Thing!

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