discussion with wife

by inbetween 7 Replies latest jw experiences

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  inbetween

  recently I had a discussion with my wife..she always feels guilty for not doing enough for jehovah.

  I tried to slowly show her, that we are not saved by works, that fear of Armageddon should not motivate us at all , she agreed with everything, then she said something like "well, we have to know the scripures better, because one time we will not know, whom to follow, we have to know, what the scriptures tell us"

  wow, I thought, there is a reasonable basis, I can built on, to slowly show her the corruption of the GB, but I have to be careful, baby-steps, I really had to hold back from just unloading everything i learned the past few months (which btw, just confirmed my own doubts I had for years)

  Next, on appropriate time, i will point out more stupitidy and controling issues, like in the new WT (about prayer and married couple) or the rules in the gods love book.....but I have to be careful, because she is were I was just a while ago, being loyal to Gods org...
• 

  diamondiiz

  My wife is also feeling soooo guilty about not doing enough and that she's not worthy of paradise. She still attends meetings but no more fs which at least is a baby step in a right direction but still scared to examine the wts history. It's hard to overcome the cult mentality and set oneself free - is your wife a born in? Mine is :( Hope she can see the real wts for what it is, sorry I don't have any advise how to do that since my wife still lives in denial and I can't help her :(

  peace
• 

  wha happened?

  I feel for ya Bro's. I started this same road with my wife a few years ago. Just be patient. My wife hasn't been to a meeting in at least 8 months. Also less squimish about being critical of JW's & has no problem hanging out with DF'd ones.

  There's going to be times where she appears to retreat. Let her. She needs to find out the safehouse of the WT religion is a sham. My wive ran back to the meetings only to be let down. It's hard to watch but ya gotta let her figure it out.
• 

  Black Sheep

  I have to be careful, baby-steps

  Congratulations. Most of us have already got the Apostate alarm bells ringing before we post here.

  Try to only ask questions. In my experience you can't 'tell' a JW anything. They are trained not to listen.

  Cheers

  Chris
• 

  Chalam

  I agree with Chris, question as good.

  Answers come from the bible and the Holy Spirit but you likely need a new bible to find them! http://www.biblegateway.com

  Here's some more on salvation not because of works.

  English Standard Version (ESV)
  2 Timothy 1:9 Listen to this passage View commentary related to this passage 9 (A) who saved us and (B) called us to [a] a holy calling, (C) not because of our works but because of (D) his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, [b] Footnotes: 2 Timothy 1:9 Or with 2 Timothy 1:9 Greek before times eternal Cross references: 2 Timothy 1:9 : 1 Tim 1:1; Titus 3:4 2 Timothy 1:9 : Heb 3:1; Rom 8:28 2 Timothy 1:9 : Titus 3:5; Rom 3:27 2 Timothy 1:9 : Titus 1:2; Rom 16:25; Eph 1:4 English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.
  Titus 3:5 Listen to this passage View commentary related to this passage 5 he saved us, (A) not because of works done by us in righteousness, but (B) according to his own mercy, by (C) the washing of regeneration and (D) renewal of the Holy Spirit, Cross references: Titus 3:5 : Rom 3:27 Titus 3:5 : Eph 2:4; 1 Pet 1:3 Titus 3:5 : John 3:5; 1 Cor 6:11; 1 Pet 3:21 Titus 3:5 : Rom 12:2 English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.
  Romans 3:20 Listen to this passage View commentary related to this passage 20 For (A) by works of the law no human being [a] will be justified in his sight, since (B) through the law comes knowledge of sin. Footnotes: Romans 3:20 Greek flesh Cross references: Romans 3:20 : Gal 2:16; Psalm 143:2; Acts 13:39 Romans 3:20 : Romans 7:7; Romans 4:15; 5:13, 20 English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.
  Romans 3:28 Listen to this passage View commentary related to this passage 28 For we hold that one is justified by faith (A) apart from works of the law. Cross references: Romans 3:28 : James 2:18 English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.

  All the best,

  Stephen
• 

  teel

  I'm in the same boat - my wife is nearly always tired, she complains that she has no time for anything - yet she spends in average about 2 hours a day for the service of the Corporation. She even wanted to start pioneering, and was extremely upset that I objected on grounds that she herself said almost daily that she has no time.

  As said by Black Sheep, they are trained to not listen to anything critical. A couple of days ago it was really freakish, we had a friendly talk about how we should know an advice from the GB was really God's will, if they changed the advices over the years, and as we know God's will won't change. After a while she tells me to stop with this, now she feels that she has to study a lot to repair the damage I've done. The mind control is so obvious, it smacks you in the face.
• 

  yknot

  

  Slow and steady crosses the finish line......
• 

  TheListener

  inbetween,

  You did a great thing and I congratulate you. It's not easy having those conversations. You never know when your witness spouse is going to take a minor conversation nuclear and have it spread to all sorts of topics and parts of your life that you didn't want or expect.

  I have just a couple of ideas that may help you. You could, if you don't already, start using the word grace in your conversations. Don't go overboard but use it instead of other words that you may already be using. You know it's not a word or concept that Witnesses have so hearing the word is actually quite jarring to them at first. But, hearing it from you and never hearing it at the hall may help you in the long run.

  If she wants to know the scriptures better ask her if she'd like to read the Bible together. Whether you use this as a chance to plant seeds or just read the Bible as a way to strengthen your connection is up to you. You could even follow the WTS schedule since she's probably wishing she could do that already. But, when questions come up or discussion arises you should use a non-WT book or commentary for research.

  The other thing I thought of while reading your post was her loyalty to the Org.. I was thinking that before you show her how controlling the GB is and how they are not God's mouthpiece that you should set up a new foundation for her. Right now the GB and Witness structure is her spiritual foundation. No matter what happens she will cling to it. However, if you start mentioning how Christ is the real foundation for christians and how he is the head of us (without getting into the trinity quicksand with her) you can begin to set up a foundation next to hers and slowly move her over to it. You may need to do some advanced study on Christ and our relationship to him but there are excellent scriptures and some helpful books that can aid you.

  Good luck.