New Here--A Personal Experience

by jaysong 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jaysong
    jaysong

    Hi Everyone,
    I'm new to this forum, and have been lurking for awhile enjoying your posts. Thought I would share my own exp as so much of what is being said here rings true.

    I'm an Air Force brat, currently in my thirties, that left the JW's when I was 25. It all started in Albuquerque, NM when my Mom accepted a study with a JW woman there. She continued to study when we transferred to an Air Base in Panama City, FL. I think my Mom was looking for something to fill a void in her life, and slowly the love-bombing and the proclaimed differences between the JW's and other religions took her in---and my siblings and I with her. My father was skeptical at first, but eventually became an elder after retiring from the AF.

    I still remember that first year (1974 or so) when they decided there would be no Christmas tree---only presents, unwrapped. I was a budding teenager, well-adjusted, popular in school, playing music and sports (passionately). I loved my life. My sister and I were top students, and were planning college and beyond, certain we would make our mark on the world in some way.

    Well, after another move to South Carolina, I began to be sucked in myself. Nice people, a young mind, ripe for influence. I was persuaded by a nineteen year old "brother" to give up sports. The dreams of college began to be replaced with the 1975 hysteria. I was baptized at fifteen, and I admit I was totally in to what the 'dubs were teaching....someone mentioned here about being totally isolated in school--I remember my sophmore year in HS, my sister and I were the ONLY JW's in the whole school (Dreher HS, Columbia, SC)---talk about isolation! And this being different, separate, alone---I have to admit still haunts me to this day, even after years of therapy and enjoying basically a happy and successful life.

    (I realize that the isolation is only a control mechanism, but I still find myself at times falling back in to that "us and them" mentality---geez, it is so, so wrong!)

    During my junior year at Santa Fe HS in New Mexico, I was told that based on my test scores and GPA that I could get into any school I wanted, including full academic rides at most...but after being heavily influenced by folks there (Elders--ED Cook, Carranza Sanchez, CO Gene Sealy) I instead moved yet again with my family to Gallup NM, just outside the Navajo reservation, and proceeded to Pioneer and scrub toilets until I was so burned out I couldn't think. Hated the place. I considered moving back to Santa fe to pursue a budding romance, and was harshly criticized by the elders because "how can you support a family?"----I'm sorry, but any hypocrisy there? And do I understand now that the society encourages college? (Someone please help me here...?)

    Anyhow, I bouced around in NM, trying to survive, became engaged to a beautiful JW woman, and was promptly disfellowshipped for heavy petting--my god, it sounds so incredibly ridiculous now to even say it--and the chairman of the judicial comittee was a known drunk (I used to babysit his kids and he would pick them up in an obvious state of inebriation). I beat myself up mercilessly for being a normal, red-blooded young male with strong physical feeling for my fiancee...if there are any young folks reading this, PLEASE don't think badly of yourselves--YOU ARE SO NORMAL to have these incredibly powerful feelings, in spite of what the institutionalized old white men in Brooklyn say.

    To summarize, I eventually was reinstated, and about a month later, walked away, never to return. And my life has been successfull and rewarding and at times crazy and uncertain since--but that's ok....that's what life is...

    To those of you angry at the WTS for taking your precious youth, I have to say I feel that rage too, but don't let it eat you up inside. Feel the anger, express the anger, but LIVE! You can do anything you put your mind to. If you suffer depression or PTS, get help. If you can, educate yourself (at least in this country, anyone can get a student loan).

    And to any young lurker JW's, I ask you to think about it....the opportunities you may have coming out of high school will NEVER BE AVAILABLE TO YOU AGAIN....that's the way the system works...SO THINK FOR YOURSELF!

    I wish you all peace, and a wonderful new year.
    Jay

  • Nannygoat
    Nannygoat

    Hi Jaysong! Welcome!

    Andi

  • oscartheduck
    oscartheduck

    Just want to back you up. They stole my childhood.

    And I have been angry. But never let it consume me.

    And you're right...anyone can get a student loan in AMerica. I've just qualified for one of ten thousand bucks a year, and I'm an international student with a person co-signing who's got a fairly poor credit rating.

    ============================
    The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126 "As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible "

  • Mum
    Mum

    Welcome to the forum! So glad you're free.

    My niece studies with the JW's. She told me that they encourage higher education now. No wonder so many older JW's are suffering from depression.

    Seize the day, and put the least possible trust in tomorrow. - Horace

    I have learned to live each day as it comes and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow. - Dorothy Dix

  • slipnslidemaster
    slipnslidemaster

    Welcome to the board. I too am a child of the borg.

    You're not alone.

    Slipnslidemaster:"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is."
    - Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut

  • ArkansasBetty
    ArkansasBetty

    God. I wondered if there was anyone else like me out there. The stolen childhood, the years of therapy. It is so comforting to see someone else that shares all of these memories/horrors. It is just a comfort to know that you are not alone.

    Welcome.

  • dungbeetle
    dungbeetle

    (((( jaysong ))))Welcome to our 'home away from home' (for some of us anyway).

    BITE ME, WATCHTOWER!!!

  • ISP
    ISP

    Hey jaysong! Welcome...take a seat!

    ISP

  • outnfree
    outnfree

    Jaysong!

    What a wonderful introduction!!!!

    Welcome to the Board!

    outnfree

    When the truth is found to be lies
    and all the joy within you dies ...
    -- Darby Slick, Somebody to Love

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Hi and welcome Jaysong.

    I can identify with the isolation of being the only JW in the school - it happened to me too. I believe the positive outcome of it is the character-building aspect - I learnt to stand on my own two feet for things that I believed in.

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