Mental Disorders and family dysfunction in JW org

by babygirl30 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  babygirl30

  This is solely about MY family...how messed up they are and will probably be till Lord knows when.

  1. Dad is a controlling, emotionally abusive, non affectionate, narcsissist. EVERYTHING needs to be about HIM in some way shape or form. No compassion whatsoever for people who do NOT 'worship' the ground he walks on...and that includes his own children. Unfortunately, i have always had an 'independent streak' in me (as my mom describes it) and so I have NOT always followed his direction - which stands to irritate him terribly. whenever he feels like all eyes are NOT on him...he will do or say something cruel in order to bring me down (when i'm with him) so that he feels SO much better then - I guess. Emotions? NOPE - cold as piece of ice. No 'i love you's' in my house...no hugs...nothing along the lines of a happy family.

  2. Mom is mentally and emotionally unstable. She has been through at least 5 different therapists (and meds too) for the past 16yrs!! I have never EVER met a woman so terribly unhappy with herself, her life, and afraid of everything. She is so 'weird' that her only friend is this old JW sister in their cong who has alzheimers - my mom MADE it her duty to care for this woman (yes...mom is codependent) and will jump anytime for this lady. My mom has never really been able to relate to others well...and likes being to herself! Mix in that her lack of self love makes her unable to freely 'love' anyone else - she swears she sits at Jesus right hand and was put in the cong to judge all. Her favorite line is "I am a seasoned sister" when she feels she has the right to do/say what she wants to people no matter how cruel. Of course she is a zealot and feels that SHE is the judge and jury on what's 'right and wrong' in her house AND in the cong. If I had a dime for everytime someone complained about my mom's 'judgements' or how ridiculous she was...I would be a billionaire. People avoided her just because of it. And up until I moved out, my mother was STILL trying to tell me how to dress (no tight, fitted, or body hugging clothes, no skirts above the knee, no v-neck shirts, etc) and how a Christian should talk....yet she had no problem telling her own daughter that she is 'cheap' and that she dresses like a 'slut' and that I am sooooo deep in the world that she can't take it!

  3. My younger sister....well....she is the clearest example of what 2 mentally and emotionally human beings can produce! She is BPD (borderline personality disorder) and is crazier then a bag of squirrels!!!! To say that I have ever EVER had a close relationship with this girl would be a lie - we're not even friends. No real 'sisterly' dynamic going on - we share the same last name, blood, and parents - but we are NOT sisters in any way. If anyone knows about BPD, these people are hot/cold all in the fear of 'abandonment'. When they feel abandoned or want attention - they will take desperate measures to get it - my sisters 'measure' of choice are RAGES. She will flip out and rage, cuss, spit, throw, get in your face, and start smear campaigns. Since I'm DF'd, this is now HER chance to be the 'chosen 1' in the family - and she is taking full advantage. Although she has been inactive for years, has numerous legal issues going on right now (she is being SUED for stealing and fraud), and lost her last job due to an affair with her boss - SHE is using my DFing as leverage. She forbids me from seeing my niece, very meanly wrote me a note telling me that she and my niece are NO longer my family as I am dead to them both (my niece is 3)...this same girl that has SO many skeletons in her closet, SO many illegal actions under her belt that nobody knows about, SO much instability in her life - and she is judging ME. She is the biggest NARC on everyone else she's ever known (except her own SELF)...and get pure joy out of 'telling' other JWs what SHE feels is right/wrong in someone elses life. OF course it gets back to the elders and then causes tons of drama! Can't begin to tell you how many times I've seen my own sis driving around my home at night...slowly...attempting to FIND someone come out or recognize a car JUSt so she can run back to 'tattle'. She and my mom are soooo much alike, and my sis clings to mom (they sit around and judge everyone AND each other) yet can't seem to part ways and move on from the negativity. WHAT kind of draw is that to anyone?

  Add those 3 up....and would ANYONE stay in a family like that let alone want to go back to a religion that condones THAT type of family behavior?UGH! How unhealthy is life supposed to be? I do not want to go back to being a JW. Although I'm disgusted by how my family chooses to follow men's directive to 'ignore' me - life has been so much more peaceful without the constant judgement, criticism, evilness, fear of yet another rage, etc.
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  lifelong humanist

  babygirl30

  Sounds like you've already started to move on with your life - well done to see the identify the extremely sad, real cause of these tragic consequences of serious mental problems, exacerbated by JW doctrine!

  Mental instability + JW dogma = total disaster and mayhem for all exposed family members. Get out of there before you become the next victim!

  lifelong humanist
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  shamus100

  You can't choose your family.

  Cut out the cancer from your life forever and make your own life. Keep your boundaries, live your life happy and free.

  LIfe is too short for toxic people, especially toxic family.
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  minimus

  Babygirl, You've gone thru a lot. At least you do understand what's happening and realize it's not you. Imagine if you didn't get that!
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  Lady Lee

  It is hard to let go of the idea that somehow someway they will change and give you the unconditional love every child needs. But with dysfunctional families that will never happen. Not in a thousand years. They are who they are. And even if they left the JWs they would not change.

  Go make a good life for yourself. There are worse things than being an emotional orphan
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  Heaven

  (((( Babygirl30 ))))

  Your family is definitely messed up. I am sorry you've had to go through this. Sometimes I feel that some peoples' lives are messed up to show the rest of us how NOT to be. Kind of like this:

  

  I had to limit my time with my parents once they became 'dedicated'. It was poison listening to their wackness, especially when my father would bad mouth other family members, especially accusing my bro and his wife of stealing money from my Mom without any evidence.
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  Scott77

  	Can't begin to tell you how many times I've seen my own sis driving around my home at night...slowly...attempting to FIND someone come out or recognize a car JUSt so she can run back to 'tattle'
  	babygirl30

  This kind of irresponsible, shameful behavior is a by product of the Watchtower cult outfit. Now, instead of elders doing that, they use close family members like your loveless sister who reports back to the elder in order to gain spiritual mileage. I recall with profound shock about a JW brother who happened to work with me at the same institution but in a different department. I heard from a friendly JW brother then that he was iregular at meetings. The guy was effectively used to spy on my movements by elders who wanted to have me attend their damned JC meetings may be or find a reason to 'counsel' me. What an irony!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  Scarred for life

  Just because people are family does not mean that you have to be friends with them or even have them as a major part of your life. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself and form your own life. It's sad to a certain extent but sometimes necessary to find happiness in your own life. There are many people that do not have a close relationship with their family. You'll find others out there in your same boat. Not everyone has a close, nurturing family. Those that do should appreciate what they have.
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  tiki

  babygirl....that is so so sad. Unfortunately the fear and guilt tactics that are drummed into the victims are a major cause of mental disorders. I was born and raised (3rd generation...without overlaps that is...) and my mother's family was so dysfunctional, there were two sisters, one of whom got disfellowshipped back in the 50's, and of course no one had a thing to do with her after that...then there's the really crazy one who never would speak to my mother or me for years on end. I wasn't allowed a relationship with my cousins and all every single one were in the "truth", up and up members. Forward in time, one cousin was dead of issues related to anorexia in her early 40's...my mother eventually developed paranoid schizophrenia, and i should have been on meds a whole lot sooner than i finally gave in and did it. I have a serious panic disorder and anxiety disorder which morphs into depression....controlled by meds that i will be on for life. the stress of fear of everything...the world, people, situations, etc. actually changes the brain chemistry, and sadly enough it is irreversible.

  So, my point is, you are in a far, far better place now and yes, the religion is bloodguilty of causing so much mental anguish, it is just ridiculous. But then, if you have uneducated men who have no idea of the psychology of the human mind giving advice in critical situations, that is a recipe for disaster. The scare tactics, the perpetual reinforcment of guilt all make for mental illness. Sadly enough, I think the type of person that is attracted to this religion is a type that needs a group to function. They tend to be lemmings and don't have the self-confidence to reason logically and come to their own conclusions. they are dependent on the group for validation....and that dependence only spirals downward.

  You take care of that beautiful brain of yours!