Ranch life

by TJ - iAmCleared2Land 5 Replies latest social humour

• 

  TJ - iAmCleared2Land

  A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and
  Knocked at the door.

  A young boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
  
  "No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
  
  "Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
  
  "No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
  
  "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
  
  "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
  
  The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
  
  "Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
  
  "Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
  
  The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
• 

  snowbird

  LOL.

  You and John Doe should hook up!

  Sylvia
• 

  OUTLAW

  Sylvia..

  If JD reads the thread..

  He`ll want to know if Howards dad is Hireing!..LOL!!

  ......................
• 

  snowbird

  LOL!

  I pity Suzie!

  Sylvia
• 

  John Doe

  Three mischievous old Grandmas were
  sitting on a bench outside a nursing
  home when an old Grandpa walked by.
  And one of the old Grandmas yelled out
  saying, 'We bet we can tell exactly how
  old you are.'
  
  The old man said, 'There is no way you
  can guess it, you old fools.'
  
  One of the old Grandmas said, 'Sure
  we can! Just drop your pants and
  under shorts and we can tell your
  exact age.'
  
  Embarrassed just a little, but anxious
  to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped
  his drawers.
  
  The Grandmas asked him to first turn
  around a couple of times and to jump
  up and down several times. Then they
  all piped up and said, 'You're 87 years
  old!'
  Standing with his pants down around
  his ankles, the old gent asked , 'How in
  the world did you guess?'
  
  Slapping their knees and grinning from
  ear to ear, the three old ladies happily
  yelled in unison,
  'We were at your birthday party yesterday!'
• 

  John Doe

  Trevor the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilize the pullets' eggs.
  Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
  The farmer's favorite rooster was Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all!
  Trevor went to investigate.
  The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
  He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
  Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the London Exhibition and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.
  The Result?
  The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
  Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
  Do you know a Politician called Gordon?