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by redredrose 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  redredrose

  Okay, I don't post on this site very much. I've faded for several years, tried to fly under the radar. I'm fourth generation, my husband came in as a teenager because of me ( oh yes alot of guilt). Tonight we met up with 3 other people at a local bar that used to be in my congregation, somehow we all have come to the realization that this is not really the "Truth".

  The five of us were having a wonderful conversation about how we each came to the conclusion that Jehovah's Witnesses were not the true religion. My husband is the only one that was not raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Everything was good until we continued the coversation as we headed home. He just doesn't understand how I feel - most of my family is in the 'Truth' - he is the only one in his family that is in the 'Truth'.

  He gets to keep his family, whereas I, if I come out of the closet, have to be prepared to give up my whole family.

  Years ago, he was treated very badly by the body of elders, and he was very angry for a number of years. He was so angry I felt like I had to maintain a level head - you know the whole 'they are just imperfect men' spiel. So I let him express his anger to me for years even tho it was very hard. Now, when I express MY anger to him (I'm angry over a lifetime of deception) he makes me feel like I don't have the right to feel angry or resentful.

  This is very difficult for both of us, and we are very lucky in that we are basically in agreement that whereas we at one time believed that Jehovah's Witnesses had the truth, now we know better.

  We both love each other very much, this is not a case of the only thing we have in common is the 'Truth'. I just need my feelings to be validated. I feel cheated of over 50 years of my life. I feel guilty over bringing the love of my life into a religion that turned out to be a shame. I find it extremely difficult to pretend in front of my family.

  Am I being too selfish? Is it too much to ask to live my life honestly? I'm 54 years old and I have never lived my own life, I feel like I'm just starting to escape from prison.

  Even though I rarely post on this forum, I regularly lurk here. It has been of immeasurable help to me. I just wish I felt like my posts would be of help to others.
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  redredrose
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  jamiebowers

  Comparing your experience as a born in and your husband's as a teen aged recruit is like comparing apples and oranges; they're both fruit but are totally different. Your husband is either unable or unwilling to try to empathize with you on this matter. I don't think you should be alarmed, because that happens even in the best marriages. Maybe it would be best for the both of you if you express your anger at the borg either in therapy or at least with someone who is able/willing to do so.

  I'm curious if he's heard the experiences of other born ins and how similar they are to your's. If I remember correctly, you two are very close to a popular born in from JWN. Maybe seperate conversations with him will do the trick. Good luck and God speed.
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  yknot

  Maybe consider seeing a counselor.......

  Your husband sounds like he is being insensitive but he probably is just emotionally incapable of dealing with what you are saying because many men are 'fix it' types and this is something he is powerless to fix.

  Hugs, bear hugs.....
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  redredrose

  Yes you are right, we are close with Oompa. Our mutual friendship has been very helpful. And I have just started therapy. I realize that in many ways my situation has many positives. My husband is willing to try to understand my viewpoint, but sometimes there seems to be a chasm he can't seem to overcome. Of course, he has heard my viewpoint, and Oompas, and in recent weeks he has begun hearing the viewpoints of others who were born into the 'truth'. Intelluctually, I think he understands. But as far as feeling it, I'm not so sure.

  Thank you for your good wishes, I feel that ultimately we will be alright. Its just that tonight, I felt all alone. Thanks for your reply.

  '
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  dissed

  Am experiencing similar feelings as you. For me, my wife feels exactly the same, but embarrassed and angry that she could have been fooled so easily all those years.We 54 as well, and lived in NC as well for a time.

  Wishing we could run into old friends that have left, not found any yet. Thankfully, many of the extended family have left.
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  redredrose

  thanks yknot for the hugs.

  dissed, I understand how your wife feels. I have been lucky enough to find an old childhood friend who feels the same way I do, and to find two or three friends from my last congregation who also feel the same feelings of betrayal that I do. I hate to complain, but those feelings of betrayal are very strong. Too bad we don't live closer to each other.