Hanky panky in the cockpit (pun intended)

by Fatfreek 7 Replies latest social current

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  Fatfreek

  I must admit my suspicion that there may have been a bit of hanky panky going on within the cockpit (pun intended) during that recent flight - the one where those two Northwest Airlines pilots overflew the Twin Cities by 150 miles.

  Before considering my proposed, and admittedly wacky scenario, let's ponder the following facts.

  1. Said one aviation safety consultant, "... In a car, this would be like missing your highway exit by 20 miles ..." What's that, 15 to 20 minutes? Hey -- that's not really much time.

  2. They were in an older plane where the cockpit voice recorder was limited in length to the last 30 minutes of cockpit audio, a perfect alibi for a cockpit party. That makes it possible to automatically erase incriminating audio details.

  Let's say that the moments of passion are over and the players (by the way, there were 3 flight attendants on that flight. Which means there may have been two in the cockpit, leaving one to mind the store) are buttoning up, zipping up, and whatever other tidying up chores are needed.

  Reality sets in.

  "Oh shit!", laments captain Jack. We just overshot our destination a few minutes ago".

  "Not a problem, old buddy", co-pilot Larry quickly chimes in. "Turn this baby around, and nobody will know the difference by the time we land. A little human error is always possible, even for us professionals."

  "Aren't you boys forgetting something", as attendant Betty quickly interrupts. "I can recall that our friend Susie here was doing more than her share of moaning and groaning, loud enough for that well-known recorder to prompt some embarrassing questions by the authorities."

  "I know what we can do", Susie finally gets the floor. "Just blank the tape. My kid brother does that stuff on his computer all the time."

  "Sorry to break the bad news here, kids, but we may be in a jam", captain Jack announces. "The bad news is the recorder is tamper-proof. The good news is that it can only capture the last 30 minutes - which means we need to record 30 minutes of quiet time. Starting now, the four of us must settle down and be all business. Larry, you need to calculate some turnaround location that'll guarantee a Minneapolis arrival no sooner than 30 minutes from now."

  Len
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  undercover

  Could be...

  ...and maybe no flight attendants were involved in those "cockpit discussions"
• 

  aSphereisnotaCircle

  Could be...

  ...and maybe no flight attendants were involved in those "cockpit discussions"

  Thats what I was thinking ...... theres a reason why they call it the "cockpit"
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  JWoods

  Possibly, but there are also stories like the Gander NF Boeing 707...First Officer flying on AP, but not really watching the store, Captain is in the galley talking to the attendants over coffee, and turbulence causes it to tip over and go supersonic straight down.

  Captain claws his way to the cockpit, fights it all the way down from 30,000', finally recovering at only 3,000'.

  He had to pull so hard that it took a permanent dihedral set to the wings. The 707 was so tough that it did not even leak fuel, although of course the AC was toast due to wing spar damage.

  There is so much BS about airplanes that we will likely never know the real truth here.

  Makes me even more skeptical of all those UFO stories where the media seems to give extra credibility if it was seen by a PILOT!!!

  Disclaimer, yes, I too am a pilot and still I say that many pilots are capable of plenty of BS when the occasion demands it.
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  undercover

  I used to think that airline pilots were a special breed. Flying those planes day in and day out, through all kinds of weather and turmoil with the lives of hundreds of people in your hands. I figured them as the ultimate in professionalism and dedication to their craft.

  Then I met a couple of airline pilots...

  One was a drunk. How he never got busted for being intoxicated on a flight, I'll never know. Another one was a know-it-all, obnoxious, womanizer (married).

  Because one drank and the other was an asshole doesn't take away from their supposed skills, but I realized that they were no different than people in the same industry that I worked in, where people's lives weren't dependant on our sobriety or willingness to admit when we were wrong.
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  JWoods

  I think that maybe my friend UnderCover just called me a hard-drinking, womanizing, asshole...
• 

  undercover

  I think that maybe my friend UnderCover just called me a hard-drinking, womanizing, asshole...

  LOL...if you were a USAirways pilot based out of Charlotte, NC... could beee
• 

  JeffT

  Speaking of BS, an old story I read a long time ago.

  A bunch of planes are stacked up waiting to land at (I think LAX), people are getting cranky and the ground controller tells them to settle down "we'll have you on the ground soon." Voice comes over the radio "bulls$it!" This is, of course a major violation of radio and airline rules. Ground controller demands to know who said it. No answer. So he announces that he's polling every plane in the stack from the top down.

  First plane comes on "this is United XXX no bulls$it here."

  Next plane "Delat yyy, negative on that bulls$it."

  And so it goes all the way down the stack, by this time everybody on the frequency is laughing and the guy on the ground decides to just shut up. I guess you have to entertain yourself somehow up there.

  PS: I've heard a couple of people on the news about this wondering why the flight attendants weren't asking the pilots what was going on. All they had to do was look at their watches and they'd know something was up. And I'd think a passanger would have asked.