by highdose 9 Replies latest jw friends
i'm new to the non JW wordly scene, so i'd like to know. Is it normal to expect some niceites when going out with some one? the odd dinner maybe? occasional movie? the guy trying to impress the girl?
Or is it the case these days of a quickly checking eachother out, deciding "he'll/she'll do" and then jumping into bed?
Ever hear of the self fulfilling prophecy?
women who jump into bed straight away arent for keeps. same with men.
and do people just say he'll do she'll do?
and are we talking about keeps or sex? if its just about the shag, you can dispense with the niceties,
if its more than that then yes, they need to be in place, on both sides.
if you just want sex theres plenty of desperate skanks out there who will shag you for a line of coke.
he'll/she'll do" and then jumping into bed?
I started dating 3 years ago, after being in the org all my life (41 years). I was so amazed that the worldly men were not the PIGS that I had always heard they were from the platform. It had been pounded in my head that the only thing a worldly man wants is sex. This is not the case and jumping into bed is never expected from a proper date.
In fact, I found that JW men were way more in heat than worldly men.
PMd you....
Double standards still exist......besides men haven't changed too much....they need a challenge and to prove themselves worthy.
Expect to be wooed.......no demand it......those who don't woo you aren't 'righthearted interested ones'.
Never chase a man, let him chase you ......
It's a big world out there. There are pigs and princes.
You can communicate your needs and wants, by modeling what you expect and by saying what you'd like.
Different communities, different groups, different people, all have different standards and behaviors.
If there's someone you like ("are sweet on"), and they're not performing well, give them some hints on what you expect. You can make requests and be kind at the same time.
If there's someone you like and they refuse to bend, maybe they're not the right one for you.
Highdose, I believe it is very normal to do a lot of nice things for the woman you really love, and it is normal if she expects that. And, you know? it is no problem to do all that if you love the girl. It comes from your heart, and those niceties are done because you want to, not because she demands anything. At least, that is what I feel. And, you can usually feel when the person is sincere and when he (or she) is just deceitful.
If the man loves you, he will not pressure you for sex right away. Especially if you mention that you were a witness and grew up under different rules. If the man loves you, he will respect who you are and will wait.
As Creativhoney said, the sad thing is, if you jump into bed right away, some men won't want you for anything else later.
I assume you want true love. That takes time. Don't accept any pressure for sex.
I honestly wish you all the luck in the world. I don't know how old you are, but I feel you're very young. It feels as if you were my little daughter, going out for the first date... I wish you all the happiness in the world. Take it easy, so you can have it.
Let me add this:
:Should women expect to be wooed?
Some do. Some don't. There is no single answer to your question because people are all different.
Personally, if a woman EXPECTED me to woo her, I would send her to hell for being selfish, vain and immature. When some women get pissed off because a man dares to open a door for her, most guys just don't know what to do anymore. I blame the whole mess on women libbers, most of whom are a bunch of ugly pigs who couldn't get man to save their lives, anyway. They wanted other women to be just as miserable as they are, and sadly enough, too many women fell for their twisted, sick ideas.
I'm not talking about equal rights or equal pay for equal work here. I'm talking about traditional Western relationships between the sexes.
Farkel
Farkel, I guess Highdose's question is a different one. I understood her post to mean whether "worldly" dating included going out, dining, et cetera (which obviously does) or people go right into bed (which some people do). She informs she is new to the "worldly" dating scene. I have the feeling that she wants the dating thing, and, therefore, she is to expect some nice attentions given to her. "Expect" as in "it's natural if it happens" not as in "demand them".
I would agree with you that dating has become way more difficult now. Some years ago, carrying a woman's bag was seen as a courtesy. I have heard some say that they can carry their own things, followed by "Is this how you want to control me?". But, that's another matter.
