I just need to vent about something. As I've mentioned before, my dad was DA'd when he died so he's not allowed to have a witnesses funeral. So what does my family decide to do without even asking me? They appoint my uncle, the only elder in our family, to give the funeral talk. It makes me so mad. I know that they think it's the truth but my dad would not have wanted a witness funeral. Why do they assume that my dad's mental problems is what caused him to DA? Mental illness does not equal stupid. He was very smart. The more I think about it, the more I realize that he did have reasons for not wanting to be a witness. I just cut him off whenever he tried to talk about it. This is so like my family to do something like this. Whenever someone in my family isn't in good standing and they have a funeral or wedding, they still get to have a witness one by having an elder relative do it. My cousin was under public reproof when she got married. She had her stepfather, who was an elder at the time, give the wedding talk. And what really pisses me off is that when my dad was first DA'd, he told my elder uncle over the phone and guess what my uncle did. He hung up the phone. He didn't even say bye or anything, he just hung up. And now he's giving my dad's funeral talk. What a hypocrite! Sunday, I was talking to my aunt over the phone and she went on and on about the resurrection hope and how, in the new system, we'll be joking with my dad about how stupid he was to do this to himself. Why would we be joking about this? Even if the WTS's doctrine about paradise was true, I don't see myself joking about this with my dad. So, anyways, this Saturday I get to listen to my uncle give a talk about seeing my dad in paradise.
My dad's funeral is this Saturday
by doublelife 9 Replies latest jw friends
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jamiebowers
Was your dad married? If not, I think his adult children would be his next of kin. As such, maybe you can stop this charade. Unfortunately, sometimes it comes down to who is paying for the funeral. If you are or if your dad had life insurance that he left in your name, you would be the one to make the final decisions. So sorry you're going though this.
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Snoozy
I am really surprised. Why should being a family member allow him to give a talk for someone that has disassociated themself?
Well really it shouldn't surprise me...they always had different rules at each congregation .
I am so sorry for your loss and it's sad that he will have such an impersonal funeral that the JW's are so famous for. Maybe say your own prayer for him while you are there. Wouldn't hurt..
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doublelife
No, he wasn't married. But there's not really anything I can do. Arrangements have already been made and the funeral is in two days. As far as who's paying for the funeral, that's another thing that makes me mad. My dad didn't have life insurance in mine or my brother's name. But, my grandma has life insurance on him with herself as the beneficiary. I thought that would pay for the funeral but it turns out that my aunt decided to go to my dad's bank and take the money out of his account to pay for the funeral. How can she even do that? I didn't know that was legal for her to do. We don't even have a death certificate yet to prove to the bank he is dead. She said that when we get the death certificate then the insurance company will pay my grandma and my grandma will then pay back the money they took out to pay for the funeral. It's not like there is a lot of money to fight over but that's not the point. I don't appreciate them making all of these decisions without me.
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Black Sheep
I don't know what to say. I see the same thing happening when I go. I have made it known that I want a non denominational Xtain to do the job, but in the end, they'll do whatever they want. My funeral will be for them, not for me. I won't know what they are up to.
Seeing as they lied to me that I would live forever I want them to carry my bloody coffin.
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doublelife
Snoozy: The elders didn't have to approve it. The funeral is not going to be in a kingdom hall. It's at a funeral home but my uncle is taking it upon himself to do the funeral talk.
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John Doe
How can she even do that? I didn't know that was legal for her to do. We don't even have a death certificate yet to prove to the bank he is dead. She said that when we get the death certificate then the insurance company will pay my grandma and my grandma will then pay back the money they took out to pay for the funeral. It's not like there is a lot of money to fight over but that's not the point. I don't appreciate them making all of these decisions without me.
Call the bank and dispute it. At the very least they should freeze the account. It's possible they don't even know he's passed.
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Snoozy
Thank you for your reply Doublelife..I missed that it wasn't going to be in a KH. But I still think they would frown on something like that.
And as far as the bank goes, if she wasn't on the account she might have forged his signature..if you tell them he is dead and no one else is on the account it will end up going to probate. I don't think that is a good idea unless he had other property that will go to probate. It is against the law to forge a signature..no matter what. Unless she got him to sign a blank check before he passed away. They have his signature on file and they can tell if he signed it or not. I would also be sure that he didn't have any insurance in YOUR name...doesn't make sense that he would put his sister on a insurance policy instead of you. I would make sure.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
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yesidid
So sorry Doublelife.
It's bad enough loosing a parent without all this extra stress.
((Doublelife))
yesidid
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OnTheWayOut
Sorry to hear your troubles. It would be difficult to even decide if you should step back and let the stampede of JW stuff go on by, or stand up and say something. Trouble either way. Strength to you in this difficult time. Try to remember your Dad in your own way and forgive your ignorant JW family somehow.