Having grown up in 'the word' in a very loving and normal family, certain aspects of the truth never really sat right with me. As an impressionable 17 year old, the things I was learning during my study seemed bizarre & in many ways, just not right. But I swallowed it all eventually. 'Alligning my thoughts with gods' and all that.
I tried so hard to really believe & practise all the things you have to as a JW. But it was never going to work out 'long-term'.
After ten years in the organisation, I left. Very abruptly. This was just weeks after I had tried so hard to give the truth one last shot. To study all my doubts away. To try to grasp all the wacked out, bizzareness.
In the end, there was just too many things that went against my own personal thoughts & beliefs. The things that I was pretty content with before I let the JW's into my life. I was living an absolute lie trying to be a JW & it was killing me. Just some of the things that bothered me greatly:
- Shunning a family member or friend
- The blood issue
- God killing everyone
- Graphic images of suffering in the magazines
- The overwhelming 'air' of negativity within JW congregations
- Elders who were assholes being 'appointed by holy spirit'
- Pioneers sponging off the state to survive financially
- Jesus sacrifice didn't seem like a sacrifice to me
- The changing teachings of the Watchtower
- The way child abuse was being dealt with
- Various people who were wrongly judicially dealt with (two parents for 'slandering' the elder who abused their son were reproved)
- Young men & women sitting in a room with 3 older men describing their 'sins' in detail
- The teaching of the 'other sheep' - obviously refering to gentiles
- Children being subject to 'adult topics' at the meetings
The list could go on..............
Concealing my concern over matters like these almost killed me - literally.
How many other people are there who are living the life of a JW but secretly despise some of the teachings & cannot get out the religion?
My advice to any of you is this; please be true to yourself & live your life the way that you want to. You will be utterly miserable if you don't.