My dad's funeral was last Saturday. I won't go into details about it cause it's over with and I want to move on. But, I'm feeling a lot better about things. I did a lot of praying about it and even wrote a letter to my dad. I know a lot of people on here don't believe in God and I respect that but I do and I believe that my dad is in heaven. Last night, I had dinner with my family and a lot of questions where answered. It turns out that my dad was crazier than we all thought. Again, I don't feel like going into details but there were a lot of things in my dad's house that made me and my family draw the conclusion that when my dad killed himself, he probably thought he was going to another dimension or that aliens were going to take him somewhere. Knowing all of this has helped me to not feel so guilty. I realize that my dad had his own reasons for killing himself and it had nothing to do with me. Of coarse, I still miss him and the pain of losing him still hurts.
On a happier note...
I had lots of fun at the acting workshop which I went to two days before finding out about my dad. I participated in a couple of scenes and got some good feedback. I haven't been able to officially sign up for the class because of the situation with my dad but as soon as I'm able to I'm definitely going to sign up. And I know which part I'm playing in the indie movie. I'll be a college student visiting my mom one weekend with my college friend. I don't want to say too much yet but I do have a few lines and I can't wait to film it.
Oh, and this morning there were witnesses my my hall in my apartment complex. I saw them as I was leaving to get something to eat. I had no choice but to stay gone for at least an hour because I didn't want to face them. I couldn't have acted like I wasn't at home because they know what my car looks like. I felt a little sad because the ones who were there were the ones I used to consider my friends. I hated feeling like I had to avoid them. And what is weird is that seeing them made me feel a little guilty for not being out in service with them. I wonder how long it'll take for that to go away. It's amazing that I can think logically about it but the guilty feelings are still there. I thought about calling the apartment manager on them because we have a no trespassing sign on our complex. But I didn't think about it til I saw them leaving. Now I know what everyone else feels like when they try to pretend they are not at home or how return visits or bible studies feel when they leave because they know the witnesses are coming at a certain time and they have to wait for them to leave before they can go back home. What a waste of time.