Re-inventing oneself

by flower 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  flower

  so who am i now? that is the question of the day. i never thought i would say this but it was almost a safe, comfort, to be able to define myself as an df'd exjw who is just muddling through life until the new system comes and destroys me along with all the other wicked people. its just who i was ya know? i know it sounds crazy but at least i was somebody. now who am i? my identity has been stolen. my reason for being the depressed, sad person that i am and have always been is gone. i feel free and yet confused. who am i now?

  can i really think for myself now? without being afraid of divine retribution? is it really safe to release all those teachings. its so overwhelming to belive that all the garbage that was 'the truth' is nothing but a pack of lies. distorted, twisted lies and ideas from a bunch of HUMANS. not GOD. the concept was so far-fetched when i was in. To actually question whether what was printed in the literature was written under Gods direction would have been something so unbelievable. i guess it would have been easier for someone who came into the org as an adult. but when you are born in you know that questioning anything that is in the societys literature is just not something that is done. those silly enough to even attempt such a thing are made enough of an example that others wouldnt even think of doing it. and now we know why that is. questions lead to answers and answers lead people out of the org.

  anyway, i've gone way off track here. i feel so free. free to think for myself. and free to become some kind of a real person. i just dont know who that is. i dont have to be angry or anxious or depressed anymore and those were my most definative personality traits. i actually caught myself smiling as i was driving along today. i had thought of something i might want to go to school for and i was smiling to myself thinking 'ya know, i think i might actually be good at that and be able to make a real career out of it'. it made me happy to think that i could be successful at something. thats the first time i ever had a thought like that.

  i have no idea who i am now but i think i'm gonna like me.

  flower :)
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  Mindchild

  Hi Flower,

  I like you already and it looks to me like you will do just fine!

  You can kinda look at your exodus from the conceptual reality in the JW world as a birth into the consentual or real world. It hurts a bit being born: the bright lights of knowledge is almost overpowering; and yes you are taken from the warmth and protection of the womb you were in. Now though, you will grow, learn, and re-invent yourself many times in your life.

  Knowing this is going to happen, the smart money is learning how to learn. Get some understanding of truth telling tools so you won't be fooled again by either a false belief or some individual trying to take advantage of you. Learn to accept uncertainty, it is just part of life, as are things like risk, pain, love, beauty, and hatred. It is a mix of all of these and sometimes you want to run and hide in your cave and other times you love the world so much it is unbelieveable.

  Also remember to stop building walls around that beautiful child within you and let her come out and play. Just be you and be proud of being you, always true to yourself.

  Okay, I'm off my soap box now. lol! Your post just reminded me some of what I wished someone had told me years ago when I was born again into the real world.

  Cha Cha Cha

  Skipper
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  FreePeace

  Hi Flower,

  This is something I think we all go through. Please read my article below if you get a chance. You may find it of interest. I wrote it while experiencing similar feelings.

  FreePeace
  "The World is my country, and to do good, my religion." --Thomas Paine
  TruthQuest: http://beam.to/truthquest
  Who Am I? -How to Reinvent Yourself After Leaving the WTS
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  lydia

  Flower,
  What a beautiful name for a beautiful person! I have a feeling that you will get over all of the programing that you have underwent as a child.
  It will not be easy... but to steal a phrase" nothing worth having ever is easy" (okay - I know someone said that - I just don't remember who!)
  I know you will do it and feel more and more free with each step. Congradulations! And Welcome!
  May you start this upcoming year wih this first step! I like to think that even though those in the Borg feel that we are not worth anything - I know I am worth something - because I have influenced others in their lives. I didn't have anyone over my shoulder who is counting my hours... or watching to see when I messed up... I did it because I know that if I was in their place I'd apreciate the help and love shown towards me.
  So Welcome, welcome one and all!!
  May all your ways be as sweet as your namesake!
  Lydia
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  Kristen

  Flower,
  I read FreePeace's article some time ago and found it helpful to my own situation. Please take a look at it.

  You may find that re-inventing yourself will be a joyous prospect. I too decided to go to school after thinking about something I reallly enjoyed being part of. If you have the inclination, I say go for it!

  You smiled for the first time... I can almost assure you that many more will follow if you just be you. Listen to yourself.

  Take care,
  Kristen

  Happy New Year!

  free to be me
• 

  Francois

  Hi Flower:

  Mindchild is right about developing a truth-detector. A very large percentage of people who come out of cult A go direct to cult B. Feels comfortable. Feels familiar. Feels easy. The surety of having "the" truth is seductive...and wrong every time.

  I served for some time as a cult deprogrammer, and it was amazing to me how many people I ran across that had done as described in paragraph one, above. They had gotten out of the JWs, only to get involved in the Seventh Day Adventists, or the Mormons, or the First Full Gospel of Jesus Christ, Snake Handlers. Or some combination of some wild belief systems. All characterized by the same kinda approaches.

  I think it would be a big help for you to help solidify your freedom to get online and look up CULTS and CULT CHARACTERISTISC and other such search items and read all about them and get to know them as objective realities. And I always recommend reading Eric Hoffer's "The True Believer." If you want to avoid falling into traps, it's good to know what they look like.

  Congratulations on your freedom. Wonderful, isn't it? Worth protecting, too.

  Francois