I've always tried to journal....and most of the stuff that comes out on the paper looks AWFUL!!! I look back at the different writings and think: Was I really this mad/sad/depressed? NO! I think a lot of what we type/write is the negative stuff that comes out just so we can FEEL the positive stuff. It's okay to feel mad, sad, depressed and angry. For the most part, I am a very happy person. It's okay to feel all these different emotions, even if the "negative" is what's put out there. What makes me happy is (i'm gonna start with the superficial stuff):
I'm currently watching the Thursday night episode of Gray's Anatomy & tears are falling...but not sad tears. I LOOOOOVE Christmas! I LOVE the closeness I've felt with the family that has accepted me (and visa versa, after I got over my cult mind control).
I cry whenever I watch the Biggest Loser because obesity runs rampant in my family & I am overjoyed, watching people get out of their comfort zones & make their lives healthier
I am SO thankful for my pets, who have loved me unconditionally. Well, I take that back ....one of my dogs just smacks me in the face with her alligator-dog tail whenever I'm sad. Maybe that is actually her way to make me smile
I am thankful for the few close friends that I've finally opened up to. They stuck around, even when I was too closed off to 'let them in'...I was too scared to tell them where I came from. Guess what...THEY LOVE ME ANYWAY.
I'm happy when my siblings talk to me openly...when the cult doesn't have a grip on their minds. I'm happy when my elder father smiles at me...it didn't always used to be that way. I am happy whenever I get a birthday card from someone who tells me that THEY are grateful for the fact that I was born. I am happy when I make a difference in one of my patient's lives. I am happy when a new patient comes to me because an old patient has told them how great I made them feel .
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell Cliche', maybe. True? ABSOLUTELY.
