First New Topic for me.
I have observed this site for about 4 years. Haven't been to a meeting since Oct 2005. Definitely feel JWs are a high control group that mirrors many of the definitions of a cult.
I was raised as a witness since age 5, left at age 38, now 43. Happily married to a wonderful woman for 24 years, except for 1 year of separation when I was failing miserable in a search for my true self - hard to do when you were completely sucked into this religion. Yes, I was a true believer pretty much up into my late 30s. Then my children became teenagers and I felt that they deserved much more in life than I ever had... couple that with my personal demons from never experiencing the typical rites of passage from teenager to young adult to mature adult and I finally woke up and realized a group of men did not have control over me. There's alot more to this story... please continue reading - I apologize for the length of this post...
My "pedigree" as a JW: regular pioneer at age 19, MS at age 22, Elder at age 27, conducted the school, gave assembly parts, baptism talks, district parts, dramas, quick build cmte, book study conductor, wt conductor etc... on and on... I never turned down a "privilege"... was instilled into me to never say "no"... all the while sacrificing my relationship with my wife - never really had time to grow our lover beyond the early dating/newlywed feelings of love - but the "Truth" always trumped my family.
That damage is slowly being repaired - as I work hard to know my wife, my children and not be afraid to be myself. It's hard to describe how I feel and I admit that I have made many errors in judgement while at the same time I put some blame on how I was raised and all the things I missed out on.
My father was/is a pillar in the congregation - he worked a full time job, and was elder and PO throughout my childhood. We were the model family and that added stress - knowing that anything we did/said would be broadcasted throughout the region. I could never do anything outside of the house/congregation. No "worldly" friends, no extras at school... nothing. No attention or care given to my education - no parent/teacher conferences, no "how did you do on your test", nothing. School wasn't important. I was an "A" student so maybe they assumed no attention was warranted. Obviously, college was a huge "NO NO". My teenage years were from 1979 - 1985 and frankly, I have ZERO memories from then because nothing happened outside of conventions, field service, meetings - other than meeting my wife.
My wife and I started writing letters when I was a senior in HS, and we were counseled that letters back and forth were dating and we had to stop until we were able to be married. We saw each other at assemblys and conventions and the odd skating party... that was our early courtship. When I graduated high school, we both started pioneering and started dating... dating consisted of going to her house, or her coming my house. Never alone, always with parents, and twice we went out to dinner with another married couple as chaperones. After 2 dates, I proposed and we were married - I was 19. Typical JW marriage - too young, no real career, no education, and we hardly knew each other.
After a year of pioneering, my wife became pregnant and I had to step down as a pioneer to work full time... Oh the guilt I felt - I only made it one year... so ashamed... I cried and felt so depressed that I was letting "god" down. The elders met with me and expressed their concern that I would become weak and should find a way to continue pioneering. That pressure was unbearable. How did I handle it?&n