Sung to "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer."
Rudolph, the red-faced elder
Had a very active nose.
He used to sniff out trouble,
Finding out Jehovah's foes.
All of the other elders
Shuddered when they heard his name.
They never let poor Rudolph
In on all their secret shames.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Rudolph surfed the 'net.
Found this site and took a whiff,
Smelled fresh air and no bullsh*t.
Then all the elders shunned him,
But he shouted back in glee,
"Keep your dirty little secrets,
I don't care 'cause now I'm free!"