anyone want to share any new jokes with me All mine are getting tired in my group of friends.
Plus I think it might be a fun thread to read
Ill start:
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
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*AAAAAKKKK!! (make sound of gagging)
hehe
got jokes?
by brainwashed-from-birth 2 Replies latest jw friends
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MadGiant
Jezus
A burglar broke into a house one Christmas night looking for presents when the family was not home. He shined his flashlight around, looking, when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'School
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.
The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Nancy answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these b!@#es would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "TIGER WOODS! CAN I GO NOW?"Take care,
Ismael
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Lease
There was this elderly couple, Jim and Sue. Jim had a doctor's appointment and his wife joined him in the exam room. After the exam the doctor says that Jim is fine. However, Jim mentions to the doctor that he keeps forgetting things and it is very frustrating to him. The doctor said that it is a part of getting older and as a suggestion the doctor said to write things down.
Well, Jim just thought this was a great idea. He told Sue on the way home that they both should make a habit of writing things down.
The next morning, while still in bed, Sue asked Jim what he would like for breakfast. He said he felt like having a sundae.
Sue: "A sundae?"
Jim: "yes, a chocolate and vanilla sundae"
Sue: "ok" she said as she started to walk out the bedroom.
Jim: "wait, put some whip cream on it.....now, write it down"
Sue: "oh, i can remember, chocolate and vanilla sundae with whip cream"
Jim: "You should write it down! I also want nuts and a cherry on it"
Sue: "I dont need to write it down, i will remember"
10 minutes pass, 15 minutes pass, 20 minutes pass, Now, Jim is concerned. Jim is thinking that Sue forgot all about him because she did not write anything down.
2 minutes later, Sue walks into the bedroom. She has a tray with 2 scrambled eggs, 2 sausage, and potatoes and orange juice.
Jim looked at the tray then at Sue and said: " See, i told you to write it down....you forgot the toast!!"
enjoy!
lease