finally writing my DA letter

by leftchica 3 Replies latest jw friends

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  leftchica

  hello freinds,

  i have not posted much on here in a while. for those who might not remember me, i am a fader and have been fading for a year. My husband is still a jw. So it has been a tough year, and things are coming to a head as we speak. Elders are calling, he is being harrassed at meetings on "my attendence" ect...and my husband is demanding that i "confess to the elders my feelings" so they can" help me".... he also told me he wants to "clear his concience".... wow..

  For the past few months i thought I was making progress with him on opening up his mind but i was wrong. The good thing is i have a lot of outside support being that i was not born a witness so my family and friends are all "wordly". I have never felt so much love and support from so many people and cant believe i shut all of them out for years.

  I dont want to meet with the elders for I don't feel I HAVE to..these are "their rules" and I refuse to go by them. Even though the letter would be something I wouldnt normally do but the fact that my husband is still active in the congregation I don't have a choice. I am tired of the "calls" and the 'hiding" when they stop by and frankly tired of doing everything that is "normal" like celebrate a birthday ect and constanly be paranoid and looking over my shoulder. The letter is a way of freeing myself from this insanity and returing to my normal life before I became a witness .

  I hope my letter might shed some light on my husband and maybe open his mind to explore the bible without Watchtower propaganda. I plan on quoting scriptures that they have changed and ones that are misued. I am doing this not only for me but for him. We are madly in love, have been inceperable for 10 years and this is the ONLY thing that has come between us. He married me even though i wasnt a sister but he was inactive at the time. He is respective to my decision but feels i have been swayed by "apostate litature" and just need "help from elders" because he is not the perfect example of a witness and i think he blames himself.

  Just wanted to vent and I plan on posting my letter for you all to read soon. If you have any suggestions on some topics please feel free to share.

  thank you!
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  WingCommander

  Well, there are a few ways you can handle this, depending on what you want to accomplish.

  1.) Hand in a letter, and they'll disfellowship you on the spot for being an apostate if you list you reasons. That would be a good wake-up call to your husband to show him how much "help" you'll be receiving. He'll also be treated like dirt and the other single sisters will be trying to get him to divorce you so they can marry him.

  2.) Do nothing, admit nothing, say nothing. Do not meet with the Elders. Refuse to return their phone calls; matter of fact screen all calls with answering machine. Admit to nothing. Tell them you'll call them IF you feel you need a shepharding call and that you know where the Kingdom Hall is when you feel like going - then simply never call or return there. Don't provide them with the rope in order to hang you with.

  3.) If you start doing worldy things (like celebrating someone's b-day) then do so descretely. If some JW sees you and reports you to the Elders, DENY everything. Tell the Elders the other JW must have been mistaken, is lying, and deny everything. Remember, they MUST have (2) witnesses to your actions in order to disfellowship you.

  If they Elders start harrassing you, which it sounds like they may want to, hire a lawyer and have him draft up a cease & desist letter to the individual Elders, not the congregation. Let it be known that you'll be filing charges of stalking and harrassment on the individuals, and chances are they'll run away like the little girly men they are. After all, JW's are cheapskates and the thought of losing money from a lawsuit against them will send shivers into their tight wallets.

  Between your treatment and the harrassment your husband will soon be under should soon be enough to maybe open his eyes to all of the controlling cult BS of this so-called religion.

  Good Luck.

  Wing Commander
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  zarco

  I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time.

  I dont want to meet with the elders for I don't feel I HAVE to..these are "their rules" and I refuse to go by them. Even though the letter would be something I wouldnt normally do but the fact that my husband is still active in the congregation I don't have a choice.

  I think you do have a choice. When you play by their rules you give them power over you. You may have reasons for giving power to them, maybe you want a clean break and a letter of disassociation will indeed give you a clean break. You will be treated as if you were disfellowshipped. I don't have any opinion as to what you should do. My suggestion is to visualize different outcomes from your actions long term. What I mean is think about:

  1. If you write a letter, what will your life look like a year or many years from now? What will your relationship with your family be like? Are you comfortable making new friends to replace old friends? What are the personal costs and benefits from making a clean break?
  2. If you refuse to meet or write a letter, ask similar questions. What pressure will your husband put on you?
  3. If you choose to fade, what are the consequnces to the things important to you? Can you pull it off? Will faking some things to keep some relationships be something that you can handle?

  The decision you make must be your own decision and making it with a long term view is probably the best advice I have.

  All the best to you!

  zarco
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  LostGeneration

  If you do go the DA route, make it short, simple and to the point of exactly why you absolutely cannot stay a witness. Here are two examples that you can add a little more if you want:

  To Whom it may concern:

  In the interest of making the truth my own, I have reviewed the record of the what the Watchtower teaches about the "faithful and discreet slave" After much prayer and consideration, the historical record of the Watchtower proves beyond any doubt that it is NOT the faithful slave mentioned in the book of Matthew. This slave was to provide "food at the proper time" and the Watchtowers record of false prophecy about the years of 1914, 1925, 1975, and "this generation" undeniably shows it has not been dispensing such food. Thus, I no longer wish to be known as a Jehovahs' Witness.

  Up yours,

  leftchica

  or

  To Whom it may concern:

  In the interest of following the bible and Christ Jesus, I have been doing intense research on 1 Timothy 2:5,6. This scripture plainly states that Christ Jesus is the one mediator for all men. I was quite upset to learn that the Watchtower teaches differently, and that only a select few can claim Jesus as their personal mediator. After much prayer and meditation on this scripture I have concluded I must follow the Bible rather than man's teaching, and do hereby disassociate myself from the Watchtower.

  Up yours,

  leftchica

  Keeping it short like this might keep your hubby on-point rather than getting into huge debates on multiple subjects....good luck