Divorced women in the WTS

by dgp 8 Replies latest social family

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  dgp

  I am not a witness. If I have understood correctly, in the WTS, a single woman is at a disadvantage. The WTS is male-dominated and a woman can only go up through her father or husband. Singleness is common, and women have a hard time marrying. I have also read many posts about women who were abused and told to stay married anyways. I also know that divorce is a difficult thing to get, granted only in cases of infidelity (and sometimes, not even then). So, as a non-witness, the doubt came to me as to whether a woman in the WTS would conceivably choose to stay single after a divorce. Suppose the sister in question married young, left an abusive relationship, but looks good and is in her forties. Children are grown up and married. Can anyone speculate why she would choose to stay single?

  I will appreciate all opinions. Thank you.
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  garyneal

  I guess like it says in the title of a recent Tyler Perry movie, "I Can Do Bad All By Myself." Personally, if I were to find myself alone again, I would have to think twice before ever remarrying. While I prefer marraige to singlehood, being single did have some advantages.
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  highdose

  why she would chose that? i can't speak for that woman, but i do know of sisters who were in that kind of postion and knew that they were never going to be able to get married again. So rather than humiliate themselves by throwing themselves endless at the feet of single brothers (who would just ignore them and marry the young 18 year old sister instead) they would boldly declare that they didn't want to get married again,

  It wasn't about not wanting marriage, its about saving face.
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  wobble

  Perhaps too, after one disastrous marriage to a JW, she has woken up somewhat to what a bunch of mysogynistic assh**es most JW men are,is she going to marry someone a lot younger than her? If not, why has this guy she is looking at been single for so long, or did he come from a relationship that did not work, if so what was the problem.?

  The big problem is lack of choice for a "sister" in that situation, and if she goes outside of the Cult she will be DF'd and no doubt cut off from her children and their children.

  Damn Cult cannot let it's captives live a normal happy life.

  Love

  Wobble
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  EmptyInside

  Well, there is a possibility she enjoys being single and enjoys the freedom it brings. Or she is waiting to find her perfect match in the new system.
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  dgp

  Thank you all for your posts. I think that, in the particular case I have in mind, the real answer is a mix of your posts. There are some advantages in being single. Those advantages get magnified if you're finally free from an abusive marriage that lasted forever. The chances of finding a good mate in the organization are low, and basic human pride prevents you from throwing yourself at anybody else's feet. Marrying out is a difficult option, and a worldly mate would need to be impressive indeed to make it worth all the heartbreak and trouble. And then, he would need to be made of good material, and have real b**lls, to endure the short treatment he would also receive. Maybe he would give up. He will die at Armageddon anyways. Why go through all that, if the new system is around the corner, and you can find the perfect mate then? Since you had such problems in this life, why not wait to find someone you can live eternally with?

  The sad thing is that, in real life, this line of reasoning sounds more like retreat. It sounds like "I had such a bad time that I won't even try again; I can't possibly find anyone worth it". While total happiness does not exist, I'm sure that there should be a way to find a mate you can be comfortable with. Just as it is common to hear that someone will not marry again, it's common to hear that someone finally found a good mate. It might not look so, but this is lack of any hopes. The assumption that you will find a perfect mate in the "new system" is not necessarily granted. Whoever said there would be an equal sex ratio among those spared at Armageddon?

  Thanks for your posts.
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  VIII

  1. So rather than humiliate themselves by throwing themselves endless at the feet of single brothers (who would just ignore them and marry the young 18 year old sister instead) they would boldly declare that they didn't want to get married again.

  2. she has woken up somewhat to what a bunch of mysogynistic assh**es most JW men are,is she going to marry someone a lot younger than her? If not, why has this guy she is looking at been single for so long, or did he come from a relationship that did not work, if so what was the problem.?

  3. She realizes that the sex with a JW is missionary and for the most part dull as dirt. Why bother with that for the rest of her life?

  So, as noted by the above combined comments, JW women simply give up. They decide that being lifelong spinsters is better than being stuck in a dull, possibly abusive marriage. And, they are already in spiritual subjection in the KH. Why be in subjection at home?

  JWs can get divorced. That is a legal issue between parties and the court of law. *Scriptural* divorce is what people refer to here. Scriptural divorce is what the bible references when it talks about people only divorcing for infidelity.

  So, if two JWs divorced, neither could get remarried until one of them confessed to being unfaithful and then that one would get DFd allowing the other to be Scripturally divorced. The DFd one could get remarried anytime. Usually, when two divorced JWs start dating and/or one remarries, the moment the one remarries, it is a Scriptural Divorce.

  As for marrying outside the faith, they can. However, they are treated like dirt for doing it. They aren't invited anywhere by JWs because of the Worldly spouse and are strongly encouraged to get that spouse to join. Watching it happen is painful.
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  wantstoleave

  Speaking from experience, as a young divorced woman who did so in her late 20s, I can tell you now that the thought of marrying another witness scares the crap out of me. After what I endured with my ex, who still maintains he's a witness (thus binding me 'scripturally' to him), I don't ever want to get involved with a witness again. Most have a skew view on the world and marriage in general and I just couldn't bear to be 'the weaker vessel' all over again. So while I would consider dating/remarriage at some point, like others here say, I 'save face' and say I'm content being a single mum because life is hectic enough.
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  St George of England

  Can anyone speculate why she would choose to stay single?

  Once bitten, twice shy?

  George