Are ya fat? Ugly? Stupid?
Do you slur your words or sound like a country bumpkin?
Do ya have fallen arches and bad breath?
Is your skin itchy and do you pass gas like a jalopy with a bad valve?
Don't despair! All you need is a COMPLETE MENTAL OVERHAUL!
Let us replace your pathetic rational mind with Watchtower Knowledge!
Let us make you so perfect you can laugh out loud as you watch millions of people die screaming in bewildered agony!
Everybody but you, that is!
Imagine their surprise when they discover your Watchtower Thinking is right about everything and theirs is wrong.....dead wrong.
Why?
Because we can rebuild your befuddled brain and fill it with so much knowledge (the special variety known as "accurate") that you'll be like a tasty cream puff chock full o' flavor!!
KINGDOM FLAVOR! Mmmmmmm....
How?
How is such a miracle possible (you ask excitedly)?
Easy.
Here's how:
1.First we convince you we know what we are talking about and NOBODY else does.
a.We demonstrate the mistakes the other guys make.
b.We show you how to ridicule authority and look smart.
2.Next, we show you what an extreme loser you are now and how we can fix that.
a.We give you lessons in how to see yourself as part of a huge group of seemingly pathetic losers doomed to destruction who are secretly
the only truly TRUTH informed badasses on the planet!
3.You'll make Scientologists look convincing!
b.We invite you to surrender your worthless brain to programming, mind-numbing repetition of Mathhew 24:14 and door to door hyperbole that will captivate your neighbors and make them fellow drones!
3.As a special introductory offer we are prepared to love you so much (for a trial period ONLY) that you'll actually enjoy our endless spate of boring get-togethers at the local Kingdom Hall.
a.You'll be the center of attention as we persuade, cajole, frighten and soothe you with our rhetoric.
b.We'll remove distractions from your life such as friends, relatives, educators, humanitarians and critical thinkers!
Act now!
This limited offer expires so soon you can't believe how close to the end we are!
If you don't act now you'll be face down in the street with blood running like a garden hose.
HURRY!
HURRY!
HURRY!
HURRY YOU WORTHLESS LOSER!
WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN HELP YOUR MISERABLE ASS!
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