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skywho

When everything was new and i was a child there was a feeling of relief knowing that i was born in to the truth and i was so thankful for that. I was thankful to my mom for being strong and raising us to have such strong faith. I was thankful to my father for.... making my childhood horrible, there for making it so everyday we had to REALLY rely on Jehovah to make it threw, that in turn build my faith stronger. My mom and dad became JWs when they where in they're late teens. both new to the congregation found each other and got married. My father was/is a alcoholic schizophrenic bipolar... a scary combo. thanks to that scary combo I really don't have many memory of the early years. just broken flashes in time, and Prayers to God to Let me die, I have been suicidal since i can remember. my dad would get DFed over and over. and in turn we were looked at as bad association to the others, and the other kids couldn't hang out with us. after years 19 (i was the baby only 14 at the time) of physical abuse to me and my siblings and at the end my mom as well. my mom finally said enough and got a divorce. I never saw my dad again he moved to the other side of the country. i got my GED when i was 15 'cause my school was "just getting so bad". I started auxiliary pioneering. my mom got remarried to a WONDERFUL brother from a Hall in the country and we moved(i was 17). I went to a lot of quick builds and met a horrible man there that i married 3 days after my 18th birthday.... cause I'm just so smart. I moved to his hall that was even farther in the sticks, and everyone in the hall was Old... still aux. pioneering... now much more on my own since no one met out at the hall. I finally got to overwhelmed with that, being a new bride and working, so only did it in the nicer weather. to my ex husband i was a maid, a cook and a prostitute. I was also a Dart board for his Sharp sarcastic words. After a year of marriage he and my best friend since i was 6 thought it would be a good idea to fool around behind my back. it wasn't full on sex... so i didn't have grounds. I staid. It really didn't help my depression. after that He got very strict. I couldn't hang out with my family, my friends, I had to work for his family. I even tried to pioneer and he forced me to quite after my 1st year. I started to plain my death. then one of my best friend died a long 3 other JWs in his car. i knew how i was going to kill my self right then and there. as i sat next to the free way waiting for a big semi to come for me to pull in front of i could hear one of the young married brothers from my hall that i made friends with in my head, speaking of his wife wanting him to get on depression meds "I don't need a pill, I need to get away from Her!" I pulled the car around packed up some of my stuff and left. Started off by staying with my sister(2 miles from my ex husbands house) he would stalk the place at all hours making sure i was "where i should be". he would tell me "you can divorce me on paper but we will always be married to God, I'll never give you grounds" at this time i had just met sighco and if ever there was love at 1st sight this was it. we ever told each other how we felt and avoided each other. We couldn't be together and that was all. so i did what i had to do. If Sighcowould still be there for me in the end or not I HAD to be rid of the man i would rather die than look at one more day. so i went to a party of a guy from my old high school and there was my ex boyfriend that was a JW back when we dated(back in the city)... I was free of my ex husband. I told the elders, they didn't want to DF me. I told them to. i needed to see why life brought my ex-bf around... 17 days later... I broke up with him... he was no longer indoctrinated, but i was. I dated a atheist "worldly" boy that worked in the same company as sighco just a different branch about a hour away. I had fun in the world. I had wonderful friends build a new family. But I missed my Family and i was still indoctrinated. I can't have children, but i some how got pregnant... and i lost it right away... heart broken i "knew i Had to go back to "the truth"". i planed my move back to my mom's... right before my move my worldly bf was on vacation. i went to his work to pick up a few things and sighco was the person they called up to fill his position for the week we both filped out. i was DFed we couldn't talk. i knew i hurt him. I new he felt like i was cheating on him, and i knew that there was no other way. i couldn't explain my reasoning to him. It's_me! and i had got DFed around the same time she kept going to the meetings the whole time and I was in the world. we didn't talk it felt wrong. i didn't want to hold her back. when i came back to the meetings it only took 3 months before i was reinstated. (10 months total df time)... they still wouldn't reinstated It's_me! after a full year they reinstated her. in my reinstatement meeting one a brother asked me about stuff that happened YEARS before my disfellowshipping that was none of they're business. but i was reinstated. I was welcomed back but i still had the dirty title of "reinstated". but not to badly. I'm bubbly and that hall always loved me. I moved up to the city to go back to school. sighco still avoided me. It was ok it hurt but i knew i hurt him first. i dated a brother that i new since i was born but we didn't/couldn't love each other like that... it was just safe.... then 5 months after i was reinstated sighco sent me a email. I invited him to hang out with me. broke up with my bf. we (sighco and i) saw each other we started dating and we just new we were made for each other. we got married 3 months later. His hall hated me... not all of them just most. mostly the PO(maybe it was just my thong). they weren't happy for sighco they didn't want to get to know me. I was a dirty reinstated person that was soiling there hall and soiling sighco(he was pioneering at this time) I always had Social anxiety, but it got a lot worse, we moved to a different hall after 3 month of marriage. I still made it to the meetings, sighco stopped and started drinking they elders in our new hall would call to set up times to come and talk to him. they would say stuff like "ok I'll call you on Thursday to set up a time to get together" they never called the 2nd time.... 3 or 4 months later they would call again the same way... and never got together with him... we moved again closer to my new job... new hall... at this time i wasn't making it to all the meeting but still trying and slowly stopped... No one ever called from this hall... not for sighco... not for me. sighco stopped drinking in fear of losing his wife. we were/are best friends. but i had lost respect for him as a spiritual head. that put a wadge in our marriage. he started to figure things out that i didn't know about. he never told me he was questioning things. in late January this year he told me. he showed me the changes in the bible that were made. he would just think of a scripture of hand that JW doctrine is built and look it up in different translations.... changed all of them.... just barley, but just enough to change the whole meaning of the verse. for nights we would sit up late at night just reading the bible, comparing scriptures and crying. "we were brainwashed, we where in a cult. How could that be?" we have got so many books just trying to deprogram ourselves and figure things out. I'm agnostic/atheist now... in just 2 months i have learned more than 27 years of being a witness... all the things that didn't make since now i understand why they didn't. It's_me! and i have been friends since we were 13. she was the only one i thought i could tell and i REALLY hoped she would listen and i wouldn't scare her. I'm so happy that I listened to my husband and that we have such a good relationship that i would listen to him. I'm so happy that It's_me! herd me. we also told one of our other friends that was already not a witness for her own reasons and she listened. but our families are all still very much in. my husband and my moms both have told us we are using apostate thinking... but we aren't trying to talk to them. they have been cornering us with questions. we are trying to be nice polite and respectful answer questions nicely. we were really hoping to fly under the radar, but they aren't letting us. any suggestions?

snowbird

Wow!

You and It's_Me have been through the wringer, haven't you?

If I were you, if any elders called on me, I would simply tell them that I'm finished with JW's.

That is what I plan to do.

Sylvia

skywho

thank you Sylvia!

Black Sheep

It's so nice that you have a hubby and a friend out with you.

As for family, My advice is to say nothing until you have a plan. I made the mistake of sounding like an apostate when I first found out that I had been lied to by the bOrg. By doing that, I blew a wide range of options that were available to me. It is easier to nudge them towards the door from the inside than it is to pull them through from the outside.

Have a plan.

If they are getting pushy, do not answer their questions. Ask them a question instead. You have to be very careful. Ask as though you are asking for help and make them feel obligated to do the required research to answer the question. Don't do this until you have researched the question for yourself and know what all of their possible responses might be and have replies for all of them. You don't want surprises, but you might get some. Often they will deny their own doctrines and rules.

There is a whole buch of stuff that you can throw at them, but there are a lot of traps to fall into besides not setting off their Apostate alarms.

Stay calm.

You must keep it simple. One question.

No scriptural ping pong games, leave the Bible out of it.

Only discuss a topic that is covered by WT literature that you/they have on bookshelves or WTCD.

Don't tell them anything. Only ask questions. e.g. instead of telling them what a WT article or doctrine says, ask them to read it to you directly from the source, then ask them what their thoughts on it are.

If they say something about WT doctrine, rules/whatever, that you know is untrue, immediately ask them to show you that from WT litterature.

Never change the subject yourself. Don't let them change the subject. If the discussion on that subject has ended, cease talking about religion. Do not discuss another religious subject, especially one that they bring up. "We will talk about that after you have got back to me on my question!". Leave if you have to.

Tricks to watch out for are:

Asking a question....

Speaking volumes about a slightly related subject without answering your actual question....

Character assassination....

I am sure there are heaps more diversions we could add.

If they try anything underhanded, don't be shy giving them a guilt trip for it. Maybe you can equate the tactic to something you have heard them accuse another religion of.

Don't forget that one option is simply to refuse to discuss religion at all.

Cheers

Chris

Black Sheep

I just remembered another very common avoidance tactic.

They say they will get back to you on it, but next time you meet they try raising another subject.

Don't stand for it. Give them a guilt trip for palming you off/whatever. Guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt

ana_dote

I'm glad you guys told me.

And don't ever forget that I'm always going to be there for both of you, regardless of how your families treat you. I have a fear that my family will at some point turn on me like yours are.

It's a cheesy saying, but it's too true: "friends are the family that we choose". You guys are my family now. And I wouldn't change that for anything.

*hug*

skywho

lol ana_dote your avatar is funny! love you!

skywho

Thank you so much Black Sheep! that is wonderful advice... I just wish i got it sooner but i'm following it from here out. I just wish it was as easy as just tapping them on the shoulder and saying "ps your in a cult. just thought you would like to know." and them be like "really, ok i'm done" lol oh well. that is so helpful! my husband was like "I wish we would have herd that last week." but we will be applying that now! thank you thank you!!!

its_me!

Hey Girl!

Glad you posted this! I hope that you can put your family off at least until you can raise some serious doubts in their heads. Hang in there! And you know I am always here for you!!!!!!

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