Most of us on here know that love bombing is a cult trait and many on here have said that they experienced it at the kingdom hall. This might be a stupid question but maybe because I'm a born in the behavior seems normal to me and I don't notice it. But how is it different than going to any other church where people introduce themselves to you? Or do people at other churches not welcome new visitors? I don't know. I haven't visited a church yet.
A question about love bombing
by doublelife 6 Replies latest jw friends
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BorgHater
I have been to my mum's church a few times and the difference was that while everyone was very friendly and welcoming, it was very natural and matter-of-fact. They greet you and introduce themselves but then give you your space. I also noticed that it doesn't seem matter how many times my mum does or doesn't attend, they treat her exactly the same. Nobody is in your face or expects too much. They know i don't believe in the bible or God any more but have been very kind to me and respectful. I don't know if other churches are the same, but that was my experience.
BorgHater x
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SnakesInTheTower
dl..
let me answer that as someone who may as well have been born in. I was in from age 4 or 5 until age 40.
I didnt really notice it until I transferred from my second to last congo to my last congo. I had been a well known elder in the region, had even given public talks in this last congo. So when everyone heard I was moving into their congo, the love bombing started... invites to come over, dinner, lots of handshakes and "glad you are here."
The elders were on the same bandwagon... until they got my introduction letter and publisher card. When they found out (for certain, they had heard rumor and I never hid it) that I had been removed as an elder (rather than resigning as they requested) and would not be available to help take some of the work load off of them for a minimum of 3 years (non judicial removal....petty jealousy from the previous congo toward me), the elders in my new congo treated me as if I had leprosy. Their "love" cooled off quickly.... then as the word got from elders to their wives and into the gossip mill....
...all of a sudden the invites were not confirmed or reextended....I was never assigned to a book study even. Kingdom Ministry publication was difficult or impossible to come by.
Of course, this all worked out the way I planned and expected. It was the reason I did not resign as an elder. I forced their hand so they would have to delete me. I wanted to not be reappointed. I was planning my fade and the move was part of that careful plan.
You see... I had been "love bombed"..... until it was found I was not "part of the inner circle"....then the love bombing stopped..
Weird but predictable if you read on this board (as I had prior to this) the experiences of others.
Snakes (Rich )
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rockmehardplace
it would be showing love with a motive. as long as they are getting something out of you, they will show the love. almost every religion has one or two that will do this, but jws are famous for it. think of someone who is studying. when they first come to the kh, they get almost everyone to meet them. they even extend invites for lunch with them and your bs teacher - bs for bible study but you can replace it with other things if you want. after awhile, once the person starts to be a little more regular, the welcoming cools off, the invites to lunches and other gatherings comes to a halt. they dont pick up again until that person starts doing more. for guys, it may be making ms or elder, for the ladies it may be aux pioneering or pioneering. the attention is like a roller coaster, when you are reaching certain theocratic milestones, you get the attention. but the love is when you are doing something for them as a congregation, or doing something that brings attention to yourself or your family.
on the other side, lets say you are a brother that comes to the kh with your wife and kids. you are not a ms or elder. you work full time and so does your wife. no pioneering. you make field service two maybe three times a month. but you are regular seat filler. odds are, outside of a very small circle of friends, you will probably see very little attention other than a brief hello. you are viewed as more of a number than anything. Elders may say - "there is brother yadda yadda yadda and his family. at meetings regularly. nothing special outside of that." and then they are off to kissing up to the good little pioneers and other elders that are putting on showy displays.
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dissed
I've never experienced 'love bombing' because when we quit, we quit altogether.
But I can envision what others have described here. A hypocritical, 'we love you!' until they have time to get to know the person better, so they can gossip about them.
Then you can count on the 'evil eye' of doubt questioning your every motive.
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doublelife
BorgHater, your experience of being at the other church was interesting. I guess the reason I find the love bombing hard to see is because, from what you describe, I never participated in it. I've always been very quit by nature so when a new one came to the hall I usually didn't even meet them. When I did I just introduced myself and that was it. I always felt bad about that. Like I wasn't spiritual enough because I didn't go out of my way to welcome people. I only met them if someone else introduced me to them. Now that I know what it really was I don't feel bad.
SnakesInTheTower, what you describe I've definitely seen and experienced myself. I never realized it was love boming. I thought that was only something use on new people, not current members.
rockmehardplace, I have seen other people do that to bible studies.
Now that I look back, when I left my home cong and moved to my new cong after getting married, everyone was so happy to see me. Once my meeting attendence became irregular the attention slowed down. I didn't even realize that that's what was happening.
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doublelife
dissed, 'we love you until we know you well enough to gossip about you.' Lol. That's the perfect discription of what it's like being at the kingdom hall.