How did you feel when you first spoke what you really felt?

AudeSapere

How did you feel when you first spoke what you really, REALLY felt about the org. When you had doubts but still thought it was the 'Truth' and didn't want to stumble another JW with your doubts but also could not talk to worldly family or friends because they wouldn't understand. Then one day you find someone that you feel comfortable talking to and you actually SAY the things you were afraid to say about the org. How did you feel??

Were you relieved?

Were you frightened?

Were you worried you were actually thinking like an apostate?

Were you afraid to see or talk to that person again??

If you told too much personal info, were you embarrassed to call again?

Today I was the listener for an inactive JW who has had a rough time both in and out of the org. Long conversation, details of spiritual and physical abuse, expression of a form of cognitive dissonance, but still very much a 'believer', worried about stumbling others and terrified of Armageddon. I want to keep contact but wondering what might be going on in that person's mind tonight.

So how did you feel? What would you have wanted to hear from the listener??

-Aude.

looloo

i felt liberated when i realised the truth

keyser soze

I was actually quite pleased with myself, because as a rule, I'm someone who doesn't like confrontation. I remember when I had elders coming over to my place, I had it all sorted out what I was going to say, but in the back of my mind I thought I would chicken out when the time came. I stunned even myself when it all came out.

peaches

i felt horrible.....i felt like i should be killed and i just knew that jehovah hated me....i had major doubts...now i was one of those awful apostates!! where was my faith,,,,,my hope,,,,my endurance,,,,my GOD JEHOVAH?????? it was either leave or put a gun to my head....yes,,,it was that bad...i had become a complete failure....

it has gotten better with time... their are scar's that although healed,,,,the left over marks still show at times....

dgp

Marked.

keeshondgirl

It was to my husband that I told what I really felt and luckily he felt the same way. We had an awful 'encouraging' meeting with the elders from me stopping pioneering and his time wasn't the 10 hours a month that they wanted and it was like they were looking down at us and after that meeting we told one another everything that was bottled up inside and were in agreement and never went back to a k.hall again.

All the doubts I had I was afraid of telling him because of stumbling him but I felt overjoyed he felt the same and relieved to talk about what was on my mind for so long. At first I was afraid of being an apostate because of how you are taught how evil it is but now, I am proud to be one since it's only their false opinion.

AudeSapere

Peaches wrote: i felt horrible.....i felt like i should be killed and i just knew that jehovah hated me....i had major doubts...now i was one of those awful apostates!!

I think peaches experience comes closest to what my 'friend' may be experiencing. I really bit my tongue through much of the conversation so as not to tip my hat that I am full-on apostate now. I know my friend felt initial relief at being able to talk to someone who really understood but was feeling really bad about bad-mouthing cong members, elders, the org. Friend is still a believer but just cannot find a cong that feels 'christian'.

I want to continue conversation but don't want to push friend away by saying the wrong thing and I fear that the fear of displeasing Jehovah may cause the friend to withdraw from me.

I sent a simple note via Facebook along with general business info that we discussed.

Tough to know what to do in situations like this. Suggestions on how and when to reach out again is appreciated.

Thanks for support and insight and suggestions.

-Aude.

serenitynow!

Afraid at first, then free.

straightshooter

The truth will set you free and how good liberation feels. Inside it felt like heavy weights were lifted off of me.

How did you feel when you first spoke what you really felt?

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