by dgp 9 Replies latest social relationships
Say you're a young witness woman, in your twenties, single and you finished the studies your family would let you take, and you have a job. Would it be possible or common for you to face your parents and say "Hey, I'm going to live on my own" (supposing you have the money, of course)?
Thanks.
For me it was. I didnt have to ask permission. I got my own place when I was 21.
Caught hell for moving out of state with my kids when I was 32. It's not the age, it's the amount of control they have over you. Mine had a lot of control over me, but I wouldn't have any of that any more. I'd reached my limit and was leaving their city for good.
I moved out to "help a pioneer sister pay her rent" when her other roommate moved out. It was supposed to be for 3 or 4 months.
That was back in 1981. Since then I've bought a condo and then traded up to a nicer home in a nicer neighborhood.
I could not face the confrontation so the 'helping' situation was ideal for me. That, and the fact that my parents had moved us to a different territory and I stayed with the former congregation. The apartment was right next to my Kingdom Hall.
It's tough for most parents to let go of their children. Tougher for witness parents to let go of that control. Plus, they are convinced that without constant supervision, all single people will start having sex everyday and taking drugs.
It will be an uncomfortable conversation for you to have, but everyone has it as some point.
Good Luck with your decision and planning.
-Aude.
It Happens quite alot. usually a couple or three young brothers will rent a house together. A guy I work with has just done that with a couple of his friends, his dad is an elder and his mum a regular pioneer (she works PT for the same company), they seem happy with the arrangement.
That was my situation after I was kicked out of home (step-parent problems).
I soon moved to another congregation and I think some of the elders thought they could act as my spiritual head and try to tell me what to do sometimes, then get righteously indignant when I did whatever I thought was right, LOL! I think some of them couldn’t get their brains around the fact that some women were independent money earners who could think for themselves.
They also got suspicious if a friend (female) who they didn’t know came to visit, because someone would inevitably see a strange car parked outside my place, and their dirty minds assumed I had a male friend who I was doing the dirty deed with! That happened once when I had my sister come to visit – the phone rang hot the next day!
It's not the age, it's the amount of control they have over you.
I would also add that BOE temperament/personality also can play into the mix!
In the congregation we moved to females were to remain at home under parent's watchful keep until married off.
Marrying off was/is the primary source of exit still today.
Education is still being curtailed in my congo in favor of gals pioneering and the BOE arranging introductions to Org-strong older males within the circuit or district for possible marriage matches after the pioneering sister reaches 21.
Aren't those supposed to be some of the ultimate goals of parenthood, regardless of the gender of your offspring? To get them educated, trained in some marketable skill, and working toward financial independence?
I don't quite understand the rationale behind cultivating spoiled children with entitlement issues who remain dependent on parents - especially girls/young women - because they will carry that dependence into marriage and "expect" to be "taken care of".
I see this phenomenon in so many of the young spoiled, "entitled" parents who are bringing children into the world. They have no clue of the commitment entailed in looking after a newborn - they are dumbfounded to realize that babies need to be fed every other hour, and don't sleep all night, and go through a dozen diapers a day, and nurse for 45 minutes to an hour per feed, and then want to be fed again half an hour later. They don't understand the concept of teamwork in these early days of parenting. They can't fathom not getting their own solid 12 hours of sleep that they've been accustomed to, and can't cope with the demands of a newborn. These young women can't fathom the changes their bodies go through and are shocked that their bellies don't become bathing-suit-ready immediately after the babies are born - and the guys are no better - I've had some approach me privately to ask when their young wife will "get her figure back".
Parents who don't have expectations of their kids (chores, school, work ethic) aren't doing them any favors by being their kids' slaves, spoiling them and creating entitled little brats who grow into spoiled, entitled adults with no clue.
I say that if you're old enough to move out - and stay afloat money-wise - then you are old enuf to leave home.
You might want to be careful and try to not burn any bridges - just in case you ever need to move back home.
When I was 21, I was beginning to do things - socialize and all. (I wasn't getting into trouble - just beginning to enjoy living.)
One night, I was out late at a friends' apartment - the fella lived across the street and down about 4 houses. Anyway, we stayed up late - talking. No booze, drugs or gals. Just two guys talking. (If I recall - he did most of the talking... about his girl problems, etc.)
Anyway, I got home late... probably after or around midnight. I let myself in, and went to bed. The next morning, my mom read me the riot act - telling me that I needed to not stay out late, etc. (I suppose that was her right - to do so.) I told her that nothing was going on, and where I was (I even walked home - it was so close.). Well, that wasn't good enough for her. She railed on and on. Finally I said, "Well, if I can't do those things living here, then I'll just move out." She said, "Fine!" I said, "Fine!", and she stormed out. This was on a Tuesday morning.
Well, I had already been thinking about it, and knew of a small cottage that I thought I might be able to rent, and so talked to the fella that could rent it to me. I got the first months' rent paid by Thursday, and started moving out on Friday morning.
My mom found out - and again went ballistic. She hadn't figured that I would leave that quickly.
I won't bore you with all of the details... her phone calls to the psychiatrist, etc.
Let's just say that after I left, I knew that I couldn't go back. Ever. There were a few thin times... when money was non-existent - but I made do, and made it - usually with my own resources - or the help of friends.
So - if you're thinking of leaving home - try to make it on pleasant terms - that way you can visit from time to time - and still remain good friends with your parents.
They won't like your leaving - but it is something that youngsters do eventually. Hopefully.
Good Luck.
Regards,
Jim TX
I love your stories Tim.
dgp - Go out and live. It's what young adulthood is supposed to be about. It is a right of passage. Live well below your income and don't accumulate unnecessary debt.
Have Fun
