What type of public apology do people need to hear to be able to believe it and accept it?
The authors of “The Five Languages of Apology,” Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, might have an answer.
When we apologize we hope that the act of sincere apology will eliminate bad consequences and automatically earn forgiveness of other people. But the authors discovered that “…sincere apologies may not always be received as sincere and forgiveness and reconciliation are not always forthcoming.”
In other words, an act of apology alone doesn’t necessarily lead to forgiveness. Rather, people tend to forgive based on their own decision-making process as triggered by various forms of language.
The authors discovered that when people apologize they tend to use one or more of 5 different languages of apology:
? expressing regret,
? accepting responsibility,
? making restitution,
? genuinely repenting,
? and requesting forgiveness.
Each person has his/her own primary language of apology, which is usually defined by his/her sense of morality, culture, and spiritual traditions. When making an apology, each of us would use our own primary language of apology to demonstrate how sincere our intentions are. For instance, if our personal apology language is to express regret, we will consider our own apology sincere by showing regret. But when receiving an apology, we consider the apology sincere only if it is delivered in our primary apology language of regret. Similarly, if our own apology language involves making restitution, we will believe an apology to be sincere and accept it only if it provides restitution. But what if the apology is couched in language other than our own? If we require an expression of regret as a necessary part of an apology, and the person apologizing speaks only of restitution, we won’t accept the apology.
Let’s have a quick look at 5 apology languages:
#1: Expressing Regret
#2: Accepting Responsibility
#3: Making Restitution
#4: Genuinely Repenting
#5: Requesting Forgiveness
Apology language #1: Expressing regret
People whose primary apology language is expressing regret will accept an apology as sincere when they hear genuine “I’m sorry.” For them, the expression of regret is the first step to earn forgiveness. Regret demonstrates that an offender recognized his/her wrongdoing as hurtful to others and is ready to deal with it. But most important, it signals to others that the offender can express empathy for hurting other people. For people whose primary apology language is expressing regret it is very important to experience the regret verbally. In rare occasions regret can be expressed through body language. Example: Watch Kanye West apology on Jay Leno
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ab0QCA_0u0
Now note the reaction of T. Jaracz to a straight question.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE0VsNBljXc
Who was more believable, Kanye, or one of "the ambassadors substituting [see: supplanting] for Christ"?
Apology Language #2: Accepting Responsibility
According to the authors, the ability to admit mistakes and accept responsibility is the second most important component of a sincere apology, “Admitting the wrongdoing and communicating it to other stakeholders requires humility and honesty. Without these or similar words that accept responsibility for one’s wrong behavior, they will not sense that the other person has sincerely apologized.” For people whose primary apology language is accepting responsibility, hearing the words “I was wrong” communicates the apologist’s willingness to take responsibility and make the first step to earn forgiveness.
Has the WTBS accepted responsibility for failures, or blamed the victims?
Apology Language #3: Making Restitution
For some people restitution is the most important component of a sincere apology, “The idea of making things right to make up for a wrong is embedded within the human psyche, and both our judicial system and our human relationships are deeply influenced by this fundamental idea.“ For these people, restitution is the tangible measure of a sincere apology. For people whose primary apology language is making restitution, the most important part is the apology aftermath - how the offender fixes or remediates the issue.
Has the WTBS made restitution? (sure they paid the victims of the pedophiles they protected through policy millions of dollars that you and I contributed, but is that REALLY restitution?)
Apology Language #4: Genuinely Repenting
Some people will argue that the most important part of a true apology is repentance and a promise of the offender not to repeat the wrongdoing. Repentance, often used as a synonym of remorse and regret, in fact, has a more complex meaning. The Greek word for repentance - metanoia- means “to think differently after” - to take a new point of view and find a better way. For people whose primary apology language is genuine repentance, the most important part of an apology will be “an expression of intent to change” behavior or way of thinking about an issue, situation, or an individual. The intent to change comes in three parts: a promise to change, a plan how to make this change happen, an action.
Where is the WTBS w/regard to genuine repentance?
Apology Language #5: Requesting forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a generous act of letting go of resentment and retaliation. The authors’ research showed that one in every 5 people (21%) expects an apologist to ask for forgiveness. For people whose primary apology language is requesting forgiveness, the most important part of a sincere apology is the offender’s need to be forgiven because it shows that he/she “is willing to put the future of the relationships in the hands of the offended person” and wants to see the relationships fully restored.
Have they apologized requesting forgiveness?
Examining these 5 requirements I'd say the WTBS fails on all counts.
Using 2 or 3 languages in personal and one-on-one apologies can be sufficient to match the apology demands of the affected party. But does it mean that using only 2 or 3 apology languages will work effectively for companies and individuals that are facing a multiplicity of stakeholders?
In crisis, the reputation of a company or an individual often depends on their ability to respond quickly by admitting the wrongdoing and genuinely apologizing.
Every organization has a multiplicity of stakeholders: customers, employees, distributors, regulators, shareholders, local and international communities, critics and fans.
And each of these constituencies has its own primary language of apology. For some, an expression of regret would be enough to demonstrate a sincere apology, for others it won’t be sufficient.
Hence, to deliver a sincere and effective public apology, a company or individual has to hit all 5 notes of apology chord, or in other words, speak all 5 languages of apology.