See that smile? It’s the smile of a happy man.
Back in another post...
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=17277&site=3
I made reference to taking sometime off as I had made major changes in my life.
If you caught this post....
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=19286&site=3
You’ll know where I’ve been.
Many in the last year, on this forum, have been very supportive, consoling, and encouraging, as I have been going through difficult situations, and expressing myself, as best as I could here. This forum may have saved my sanity. Though I’ve been away for a while not posting like I used to, it doesn’t mean I’ve forgot y’all. I still come back and read, and sometimes make an occasional post. For those who have expressed their concern, and been there for me, I want to thank you. There are too many of you to name individually, but those who have had and shared personal instant message conversations with me, and email, and responded to my posts, know who you are. If it weren’t for the love and support of people here, most of which I have never met, I may not have made it through a very difficult time in my life, and be able to say, as I did above, I am a happy man.
There was much I could not say here, in my personal situation, things that are very personal, and things for which I find even now, extremely difficult to talk about, or even think about. At least now, I can be thankful that it’s behind me. I have nothing but positive and happy days now. And nothing but the best to look forward to in the future.
I have the love, and total support of my family. They are there for me. Many times on this board, references to unconditional love are made. No one in my family is “in” any longer.
Though, if they were, I think I can say that no matter what, they still would have been there for me. My family is the epitome of unconditional love. For that I will be eternally grateful.
As you read in the post above by Gwen, (aka: Somebody) we have spent a lot of time together. The experience of sharing the time we have spent together has been priceless.
Celebrating the holidays together, and the time we spend together, has given me a whole new outlook on things, and even a view of life I had never imagined before. Gwen has been posting to this and other forums for a long time, so many of you know her, and the fine qualities she has that makes her such a wonderful person. The warmth, kindness, the listening ear, and the empathy she feels for people as they go through difficult situations in their lives, are only but a few of the qualities, that make her the most giving, and sensitive person I have ever known. She was and still is a very supportive person to me, as I went through my own hell. Now with the worst behind me, as I continue to recover from the damage inflicted on me throughout the 40 years I spent as a “borg drone”, she is there for me. And for those things, and so many others, I thank God, that I have her in my life. And thank you Gwen, for everything!
So, I may not be here as often as I was, as time goes on, I will return from time to time, and make my “mark” on this forum. Although I have made major changes in my life, I do share so much in common with you all. That of having suffered as a drone in a cult. That will take years to overcome. I am not leaving this forum. But for the time being, I find it’s very necessary to not even open one of those borg books. Though I did pick up a WT lately and opened it up to read it, I find I must, for the time being, refrain from doing that. I do not want to become, as have so many others I’ve seen here, angry and bitter. I do feel the hurt. And the pain. One of the ways I cope with that is to make jokes about it. I just don’t want to become a bitter old man, mad at everything and everyone. I see that as a very easy way to deal with the anger, but its not who I am. My life has changed. Remarkably, permanently, and for the positive. The miserable person I was is no longer.
He’s gone. It’s a new Zev in the same old body. And actually it is the me I was all along. I just couldn’t be myself. I like the Me I am. I like the person I am today. No one will ever control me, or tell me how I will worship God ever again. I will never allow anyone or any group of people to take my mind over and leave me as the empty, hollow, unfeeling, thoughtless, and unkind person I was. That, I am glad to say, is behind me.
So onward I go, experiencing life, and all its wonders. Gwen said recently, to me, that, “Life begins at 40” So true. Life has begun again…and I’ve never been happier.
Till the next post….
-Zev
Learn about the Wtbts and the U.N.
** http://www.geocities.com/plowbitch69 **