Highdose's pendulam problem...

highdose

Hi

An update on me: i seem to be swinging from one state to another recently. Some days i will feel very peacefull within myself about the borg and my experiances in it. I will feel like i'm almost able to forgive all those cult members who made my life hell.

... and then the pendulam swings and i find myself remembering something about them that makes me just so furious! So furious that i find myself wishing a JW would turn up on my doorstep just so i could yell at them!

The fury i admit tends to resurface in dreams and nightmares. This is when i relive the horrible events of my past but normally with the addition that instead of just meeking accepting their abuse i now lash out and start screaming at them.

I'm back on the "highdose" again i'm afraid, wasn't managing without it:(

So... is this normal? Have any of you gone through the same thing in your recovery process?

fokyc

I have been on the swing like that for about 45 years.

Recent events though, have pushed me right over to the 'I hate the WTBTS' side,

but mainly to the 'I hate my wife's congo elders' side'.

Keep taking the pills.

troubled mind

Yes I have experienced the same sort of pendulam swinging emotions .

In the past I have had depression problems ,yrs ago , and medication helped . Since leaving the witnesses it has been a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows . Mostly I was feeling happier and mentally thinking so much clearer ,but lately I have struggled . The last couple of months have been hard .....to the point I have considered meds again ....idk .

I am first going to really try focusing on positive input and refusing to ruminate on the JW garbage . It is a struggle because everyday something reminds me of the JW past . Relatives , Jw neighbors ect ... I have to put forth a conscious effort everyday to redirect my thinking to stay positive and upbeat , sometimes it is just exhausting ...... Do other people just do that naturally ??

dgp

I suppose this is absolutely to be expected with experiences like yours.

I guess you have to stay focused on rebuilding your life and enjoying it as it is now. Don't let them take the rest of your life as well.

I wish you the very best.

robson

we all come to see the real facts at the end of the day, they make us feel like we are somebody they can play with and I also paid attention to them and it was driving me crazy everyday in my life but after so many deep thoughts I've realized they are just a bunch of hypocrites who don't care about me cause they don't know me inside they just think they the best spiritual directed guides on earth and they feel superior to us and they diminish our beings.

Knowing that there is no such thing as them being right about things happening to us many I now only focus in my life I don't pay attention to any of them as to really feel the struggles I went through during that time it was a relief that my eyes were open and now I can see things clear so don't let them have any thing have to do with you, life is beautiful and short know that God is out there he knows we are not responsible for any of this try to step up.

The only relationship we have to strive for is God's and jesus being our only hope for survival would lead us into the place we are committed to be not one any human talks about.

Hadit

Same problem here. I was actually on a downward spiral today and was going to post a similar question. I sometimes feel like I'm manic or bipolar. One minute I feel free and ready to tackle everything and everyone and the next . . . in the depths of despair and full of sheer RAGE. I have so much anger and it just comes up and it's so overwhelming. This is one rollercoaster ride I could really do without.

Thanks for sharing. I feel somewhat normal now . . . or maybe I feel better knowing I'm not the only one who's not!

I hope your pendulum swings calm down for you!

wobble

Dear Highdose,

I have found the anger slowly subsided, for me, but I guess we are all different.

I still get angry at posters who come on here and defend the indefensible about the WT, i.e the WT's lack of care regarding abuse etc.

Generally though I have mellowed a lot, and certainly would not be shouting at any Witness I met, they are simply trapped and deluded as I was.

I have decided to be a lot more forthright than I was in the past though, now that my fade is well established, I will let any of them know that I believe their religion to be totally in error and a fraud.

I hope you continue to feel well, and able to control things, Meds. are good for this, don't be too quick to change them, it is easy to feel that you don't need them so much, because they are working, and then change the dosage or whatever, and go back to square one.

All the best,

Wobble