Ann Rice author of Interview with a vampire quits church and says she is no longer a christian. What stroke me as familiar was her comment as to how she felt everytime she went to church. She said, "I really couldn't go anymore. I was too angry, I was too confused. I was sitting in church, in a beautiful environment, with beautiful music, wanting to pray and I was too angry and too confused to be there. I had to leave. It was coming between me and God, to be in that church. And the church should be the place that helps you get close to God." "It's tragic, but when you find yourself lying for God, something's really wrong," she said. "And for me to go on saying that I was a Catholic and for me to go on being in that church, or in any church, really, worrying about what they teach and what they do socially and what they might do politically, et cetera, et cetera, that was lie. I can't do that."
Her statements are way too familiar for me because that is exactly how I felt when I was in the Organization, lying for God. Not wanting to be there, yet being emotionally forced to do so because "it is the right thing to do", it is "what you must do" if you want to survive God's pending Armaggedon. I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. Am I sad? In a way, yes. I am angry at the fact that I never got to choose my own path in life, that my life revolved around an Organization that plays with your emotions and your conscience and at the end you end up not pursuing your dreams or knowing how to make personal decisions without having to ask permission to your "Bible (Organization) trained conscience" regarding personal matters. In my case, it took many years before I finally said "enough" and I feel that many of the things I wanted or could accomplish are much more difficult now because of my age and my present status. I am sad, because I still feel spiritually lost, looking for a place to fit in. I don't fully believe in the Bible, I have lots of questions regarding God and his essence, his universal place and his interest in humans.
I'm sure many of you feel or felt the same. If you are new in this forum, are actively meeting and have the same feelings I do, meditate and consider your feelings without the help of the Organization's literature which will confuse you even more. Don't be a hipocrite, don't stay for the sake of others, because in the end it will end up hurting you and you will never find the happiness you are seeking.