My JW Relatives Don't Call or Write...Is This Normal?

by Cold Steel 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Cold Steel

  They've been JWs for years, but they've never once called, written or seemed to have wanted anything to do with us. They weren't like this when they were still Catholics. Are they told not to have anything to do with non-members, even family? My sister's tried the hardest to stay in touch, but they don't return her phone calls or e-mails.

  Are members discouraged from family ties or is this just antisocial behavior? They've been members since the early 70s and a few years ago one of them wanted to open a JW bookstore.

  Should we just give up on them or keep trying? I want to know what the official dope is.

  Thanks.
• 

  sabastious

  They are taught to keep all non-witnesses at an arms length, that includes family.

  -Sab
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  Essan

  All non JW's are basically considered "bad associations" and they feel that having to do with non-JW's will in time lead to the spoiling of their "useful habits" - they think they'll will be 'tainted' by prolonged contact basically - so they limit or in some cases eliminate their association with non-JW's, including family members.

  Yes, such behaviour is "Normal" for JW's. JW's are a cult, remember, so such behaviour is to be expected, unfortunately.

  I think, if it upsets your family and you, that you should to communicate that you miss them in a really heartfelt manner. Perhaps such a thing will melt their icy and rather heartless attitude enough for them to stay in touch a bit. If not, then at least you know where you stand after that. But whatever the outcome, remember that it's not wholly their fault. They are instructed to act this way. They are not 'themselves', they are trying to be who they've been told and deceived into thinking they must be, to please God.

  If they do resume contact, then perhaps, after educating yourself about the JW's and their teachings and history you might be in a position to very subtly, over time, help your family realize the error of the JW religion and you may end up unifying your family once again. But this would take time and a very delicate touch. Many people here can advise about this and would be glad to be of help.

  One way you or a family member could do this would be to show an interest in the religion, perhaps even indicating you may want to 'study' it, but asking specific questions the answers to which your family will have to find through research and which will surprise them and will expose things about the JW Organization that were hidden from them and that they were deceived about. Thus, the 'study' is really for them, even though they thought it was for you, and you actually knew the answers to the questions you asked, although they did not. JW's are taught they and they alone have the answers to everything. They generally don't listen to anyone else, so it's very hard to teach them or tell them anything directly, it has to be done indirectly, with them imagining they are the ones teaching you.
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  Essan

  Bump in case OP is new and doesn't know how to find his/her thread. :)
• 

  LostGeneration

  Are you still of the opinion that JWs are not a cult?
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  laverite

  Unless they leave the cult someday, it will never be a real family relationship. There will not be true reciprocity. You can choose to stay in touch with them, and they will probably be polite and chat with you when you initiate the connection. But don't really expect them to reciprocate. If they stay in, it will likely be a one way relationship that you have with them. It's up to you to figure out if that's ok with you or not.

  ~LV
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  Watchtowers Witnesses

  You often find this kind of behavior in cults. The members are instructed to isolate themselves from non cult members, even family. By only associating with other cult members this creates a environment where Group Think can be overwhelming. A cult like the People's Temple was able to go so far as physically isolating their members. You really need to study more about cult behavior if you desire to understand why your JW relatives behave the way they do.
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  cyberjesus

  They are busy calling their brothers and sisters.... wait maybe not
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  Cold Steel

  Thanks for the replies.

  I don't know whether my relatives are just bad writers or whether it has to do with their religion. Has anyone ever been told/instructed not to stay in contact with family?

  I'm very careful in the use of the word "cult" as there doesn't seem to be a one-size-fits-all definition. Early Christianity was considered a cult by the Romans and the Jews. Were those first century Christians members of a cult? Probably. Their religion was based on the Jewish faith and the basis was changed and added to. Were members encouraged to shun their families? No. But they had a reputation for secrecy. To this day no one knows what the "mysteries of the Kingdom of Heaven" were. The Gospel of Thomas recounts the boy fleeing from the cave, with only a linen garment over his [naked] body and Jesus teaching him the mysteries. Some think they had to do with certain anointings, while others ascribe seedier going ons.

  As far as my relatives, I'd be disappointed to find out that they ditched us for religious reasons and, yes, that would be a bit "cultish" if that were the case. Still, I'd hate to judge them without knowing more. That's why I'm asking you folks if it's likely. Any anecdotal stories or accounts would be welcome.
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  AudeSapere

  They are 'encouraged' to minimize contact with worldly people non-jw's, including family. Also, minimize contact with anyone who they feel is not upbuilding toward their spirituality.

  Your experience sounds about right except for the part about a JW bookstore. I have never heard of that. Ever.

  -Aude.