Wife of a DF'd JW

by fyrefightermom 7 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  fyrefightermom

  Hello everyone!

  I am new to this site. I was hoping that joing would give me more perspective on my husbands family. My husband was disfellowshipped at the age of 16. He was kicked out of his house with no place to go. None of his family would talk to him or take him in because they were all JW's. Now at the age of 26 he is married to me (I have been a Christian all my life), we have a 2 year old son and he is now a baptized Christian!

  Anyway his family speaks to me when I see them and talks to me on Facebook. I just recieved a Congratulations card from his mother a few weeks ago congratulatin me on the wedding. She did not even address him at all. She as his sister always does mentioned that they want to see our son more. He says that all of his family are wonderful people and that he would love nothing more then his family to have a relationship with his son. But he feels the same as I do that if they are unable to accept the him as the person he is now, how could they possibly accept his son?

  I come from a Christian family with strong morals and beliefs. We have an unconditional love we show to all members of our family. I just cannot understand no having a relationship with your own child because his beliefs are no longer the same as yours. How can a family member allow a few select people from their sect dictate the way they live their lives and the fate of their own childs? Then tell them they can no longer have any communication with them? I know that they say there are scripture in the bible that support their beliefs. But there are many many more that prove the opposite.

  Here is one of my favorite scriptures that support unconditional love and support of family!

  Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith. 1 Timothy 5:8

  Please if anyone can help me to understand this better I would appreciate it. Thanks so much and God Bless~ Tiana
• 

  the prospector

  hi there,

  i am sorry to hear that all too familiar story! my mum cut off her own parents when i was a child and i never spoke to them for the rest of their lives. my mum was following an article in the WT written by imperfect men with their own ideas, unfortunately most jw's think this trash is coming directly from GOD! like you say, your best argument are the scriptures themselves and the kindly example of our Lord Jesus. maybe you can highlight that 'God loved the world so much that........... so if God can love the 'world' while not condoning wickedness either, couldn't your in laws show mercy and at least associate normally with their son and grandson? what is to be gained by isolating one's own family and continuelly playing the judge?

  blessings

  the prospector
• 

  Pistoff

  I would like to tell you that you can sway them somehow, that they will see reason, but it will likely never happen.

  They are captives of a flawed concept; that what Paul encouraged (remove a man who was sleeping with his stepmother, likely, and it was widely known) is the same as their concept of disfellowshiping. What Paul told the open congregation the WT leadership has turned into institutional shunning for any number of reasons, including smoking, disagreeing with leadership, and whistleblowing about child sexual abuse.

  This is the cruel truth: that even though your husband is not engaged in the behavior that got him kicked out, he cannot be reinstated until he decides to become an active witness, or at least go back and pretend that he thinks going to meetings and studying is the right course for him, and tell them so until they reinstate him, after which he could fade away.

  Of course, repentance really means that you no longer are involved in the behavior that was objectionable, but to the witnesses repentance means becoming an active witness.

  Good luck trying to shake them from that very crazy viewpoint.

  And it doesn't matter that his family might visit and talk with their non-witness relatives; I have in laws who drive across country to see their non witness brothers/sisters, even though they have tried to talk my in laws out of being witnesses, but won't speak a word to my son, even at my other son's wedding.

  Do I sound bitter? I am; if ever I had thought about going back to meetings, the rigid stance about disfellowshiped ones has prevented that from EVER happening.

  The stance towards disfellowshiped ones is one of the markers that makes them a cult, in my view.
• 

  jamiebowers

  Here is the simplest explanation for the behavior of your in-laws; they are in a cult and under mind control of a publishing corporation disguised as a religion. As nice as your husband's relatives may be, they are dangerous people due to their zeal for the cult to which they belong. As a "worldly" person, their only interest in you and your son is to convert you.

  Your husband may not even realize that he is a cult survivor. I was out for 13 years before I learned the truth about the "truth". Because they have reached out to you, NOW is the time to display unity with your husband. Let his family know that you come as a package deal with your husband and son. It is especially important to NEVER allow your child to be alone with jws. There are multiple reasons for this, but I'll just start with a few. Jws are relentless with their indoctrination tactics. Given the chance, they will, in graphic detail, with the spoken word and pictures tell your son that anyone who isn't jw is going to be destoyed at Armageddon. Don't believe me? Listen to what a few former members have to say about what it's like to grow up a jw:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kABA0fxtjpM&feature=sub

  http://www.youtube.com/user/slanelcla#p/u/6/5tvUnDFLz-g

  Second, although there may be no child molesters in your husband's family, such vile creatures are protected by the Watchtower in order to protect its own reputation. There's been extensve coverage in the news media worldwide. See watchtowerdocuments.com and silentlambs.org.

  There are LOTS of other documented reasons why your husband's family should not have access to your child without your husband being there. You being there is not good enough, because you've never been a jw and won't recognize their subtle indoctrination techniques. This organization is dangerous. I almost lost my life for obeying the Watchtower, and there are some on this board who have lost loved ones for doing the same.

  One last thing. What kind of people kick their 16-year old son out of the house and then 10 years later hold him resposible for whatever he did as a child? It couldn't have been that bad, because otherwise he would've been arrested. Can you think of anything that your son could do that would make you throw him away as a teenager?

  Send me a private message by clicking on my name if you want to talk some more. I think your husband may also need to talk to some exjws, so he understands that what happened to him is not his fault and that it's not just because his family is different. What happened to him is pretty common in Watchtower world.

  It just galls me to no end that these people threw their precious son away, and now they want to get their claws into his son. And for what...so they can throw him away too? I can't believe your husband isn't infuriated!
• 

  Quentin

  Well said jammie, well said.

  They lost their son because he was df'd....You, for them, would be a good catch, but your son would be a trophy they could , with swelled chests, parade around the kh. Yeah, I know that sounds loony-tune but that's the jw mind set and jw's cannot be trusted. Don't let them in, they will reek havoc in your life.
• 

  Dark Side

  Sad to say, but if you or your partner is an ex-JW, you will never have a normal relationship with a practicing JW. Family or friend doesn't matter

  Their religion dictates that they be emotionless monsters to disfellowshipped ones. Right or wrong, it's the nature of the beast.

  My advice? Cut your losses and move on. The sooner the better. Rip off the band-aid
• 

  dozy

  Sad to hear your experience - only too typical , sadly. I know parents who have refused to talk to their children (and by extension , grandchildren) for over 40 years because they have been disfellowshipped for smoking a cigarette or questioned the JW leadership (the worst offence in the JW religion). I myself am shunned by some members of my family even though I've never been disfellowshipped.

  If you have a good read through the forum & sites like jwfacts.com and freeminds.org (especially some of the personal experiences & life stories) then it will help you get some perspective into how rigidly JWs enforce this shunning doctrine. Like others have said , you would probably be best to accept the fact that you can never have any kind of meaningful relationship with your husband's family. Their loyalty , above all, is to the Watchtower Society.
• 

  nelly136

  **As a "worldly" person, their only interest in you and your son is to convert you**

  sums it up.

  and if they could play divide and conquer and get you hooked, then maybe their son would be obliged to return to keep his new family and regain his old.

  my nan was the first jw in our family, she converted while my grandad was away in the army and then set about converting her children, my dad made his escape when he was old enough, so my nan worked on converting his non jw fiance instead and once she'd got her hooked the pair of them worked on my dad. it was just another way of skinning the cat so to speak.