Mental Block...

ForbiddenFruit

Hi, I am a male in my late teens... Now, as we all know, when you are a JW, even looking at the opposite sex is a deadly sin. The most a boy can do to a girl without brother 90 year old virgin giving you a lecture, is awkward stares from across the room. Even a mere "Hello" is enough to raise suspicions.

Anyway, as time goes on, this thought pattern carries itself over, to even after you've left the organisation.

Whenever you like a girl, you are scared to make any sort of approach, even a friendly one, in case someone (she) thinks you are a sexual pervert. Even when a girl quite CLEARLY likes you, you are STILL scared to make any sort of move in case it's thought of in a wrong way.

Despite being free from the restraints of the organisation, the same thought pattern goes through your mind, destroying your chances of anything successful happening...Approaching a girl in any sort of way makes you think you're doing something immoral, even when you aren't....

I guess I'm asking for advice on how to break this block, and also ranting.

Sorry :(

VampireDCLXV

I dunno what to tell ya. I'm a male in my late thirties and I haven't figured it out either. (Pathethic, I know.) You've got a lot to figure out about life in general before you bother trying to figure out women. Most of your life is still ahead of you. Good luck...

V665

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuYvKLZXKhI

pirata

Sounds like a good thing to try and undo with cognitive therapy.

ForbiddenFruit

It's nothing SEVERE, and I'm pretty good at correct my own flawed mental patterns, it's just a pain until I get over it. Not a fan of therapy :D (I've tried it several times for anxiety/depressive issues).

cult classic

Lots of people are self centered and self conscious. So they are just as nervous around you as you are with them. I also learned that most people are not nearly as hard on us as we are on ourselves. We've just been conditioned to think that everyone is overly concerned with what we say and do. They're not.

Introduce yourself.

Ask her how she's doing and what she is doing.

What do you like to do for fun?

Do you have any hobbies?

It really isn't that difficult. The main thing is not to worry about how you're coming across. Try not to focus on how you think you're doing. Just be interested in the other person. In time your self centeredness will lessen.

Nathan Natas

Hi Forbiddenfruit. I feel your pain. I was in the same situation 50 years ago.

You don't need to visit a therapist, you can do a lot for yourself simply by reading books about COGNITIVE THERAPY and POSITIVE SELF-TALK.

By doing this, you will be actively undoing the WATCHTOWER dork programming that you get at the Kingdom Hall.

Don't stress over it too much - try to be friends with a few girls first, don't think you have to be Hugh Heffner Jr.

Work on being a GENTLEMAN and really, honestly cool, kind and polite. When the "scent of desperation" has left you, girls will find you much more appealing, and you will have to beat them away with a stick. (Figuratively speaking, of course.)

moshe

Some guys have it and some don't- learn early that women seem to like men in satin pajamas and velvet robes who work from home. Stop worrying about the young girls- their are plenty of 35 year old cougars who would like to "date" you. My son who is 30 has only recently started dating girls close to his own age- or maybe he has now just grown into that 30ish category.

Hugh Heffner's recent 80th birthday picture.

mamalove

From a now single girl's perspective, just be confident, not cockey, look her in the eye, be a good conversationalist, ask questions to get to know her. Most chicks are nice and responsive if they are not already taken. Good luck.

Mental Block...

Share this