Feel like I am going to explode

mamalove

Too much reading this weekend I think..... I got "Triumph" by Carolyn Jessop (former FLDS escapee whose story paralles much of JWness), and pourded through half of it yesterday until I took my kids to a pagan fair/festival that was held on a community church grounds and got sick on the tiltawhirl and came home with giant animals and blow up squeeky things! Couldn't sleep in as usual.....so I start reading COC at the crack of dawn.

My blood is boiling between the two books. The mental part is disturbing me greatly about the truths in brainwashing and cultism, and COC is infuriating me about the whole attitude of the JW Org.

I cannot stop thinking of my family who I have not talked to in 6 months. Not a single word....I keep thinking of how and when it would be right and the best way to talk to them. I know many of you have gone years.....years with out talking and making headway. Am I being impatient? Weak? I thought I would be ok letting them have their beliefs and me having mine and letting them decide on the state or lack their of any relationship between us. Will they listen? I want them to see that I have not changed in the year and 1 month that I have gone cold turkey and that the kids and I are happy, well and safe.

I guess I just needed to vent. I fear if I talk to them they will FREAK out. Do I wait for the right time? Is there a right time? Thanks for listening. Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Found Sheep

Welcome! I don't know of the right time and place but first get your own feelings together. If you come across angry they will run!

Mattieu

Hi Mamalove, glad to hear you had a good time at the fair with the kids. In regards to your family, you will know when its the right time.

Cheers, Mattieu.

PS - I had a great weekend, though its 11:15pm Sunday night here so weekend is over and Mondayitis is settling in

finallyfree!

Its your family. I'm sure that deep down they are feeling bad. Especially if you would call em or drop by with the kids, how the heck can they shun u in front of their grandkids. Good luck!!

cameo-d

you could have stopped at tiltawhirl

I would put all the books aside for a few days and slowly absorb and consider the emotions its putting you through. Think more deeply into, not the results of the cults, but why people succumb. What is in a person's nature that causes them to need the cult initially, and then, why do they stay on? They could walk away at any time, but they don't. Examine the sides of the issue that are silent or perhpas not being presented. Cults are never 100% at fault.

no more kool aid

Mamalove, just my experience, there is no talking to them. It is like trying to talk to a delusional person. The best thing you can do is live your life well over time, if anything gets them thinking, that will. I think most of us had the same anger yet justification by reading CoC. Take care. NMKA

OnTheWayOut

I would put all the books aside for a few days and slowly absorb and consider the emotions its putting you through.

Great advice.

...there is no talking to them. It is like trying to talk to a delusional person.

I agree to a degree with No More Kool Aid. Instead of trying to talk to them to free them, just try to talk to them. Try to have some semblance of normal relations with them or, if that's not possible, at least let them know you and the kids are okay. Regardless of their response, a cold cult shunning or a warm family understanding or something inbetween, it is never a wrong time to reach out like that. I say do it by October so they don't think it's a holiday attempt at reconciliation.

aSphereisnotaCircle

Reading CoC was one of the most painful things I have ever done.

I would read a page or two and then start crying uncontrolably.

My poor husband (never a JW) kept suggesting that I stop reading it, it upset him that it upset me so much. He would hover around me and try to fix what he could not fix.

And with all the crying, it took a long time to read (poor hubby)

yeah, I thought I would explode too.

flipper

MAMALOVE- I agree with some that you should not talk about JW topics at all with your JW relatives. They are under the influence of cult mind control- they won't understand what you are reading in Crisis of Conscience. They are PROGRAMMED to not listen to ANYTHING that badmouths the GB or WT society. Trying to talk to them or convince them their beliefs are skewed would be like beating your head on a brick wall- won't get anywhere and just frustrate you emotionally.

Like OTWO said if you do chat with them just tell them you & the kids are doing fine , that you just wanted to let them know that, ask them how their health is and avoid at all costs aNY discussion of JW topics for now. It will just lead to arguments. Stay on family, non-JW topics. Just my 2 cents. I have JW relatives and staying on non-witness topics seems to work

mamalove

Thats the thing. They have lots of contact with my kids through my ex H. So that is nothing special for them to hear about....

I guess I need to sqaush the feeling of wanting to reason with them. Oh well. I did put away the kool aid and instead spent the day cooking in the kitchen with my kids. Taking my anger out on the cutting board. We have several pots of soups going now. Whose hungry?

Feel like I am going to explode

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