I've been thinking of late that really what is the difference between the exclusive witnesses and the exclusive brethren? I guess maybe that the brethren own who they are but the WBTS claim to be love, understanding, compassion and all round good guys but the 'truth' is that they are exactly the same as the exclusive brethren ( in my opinion of course ! ) They are controlling, limiting and the only right way as far as religion goes.
In fact the 'truth' slogan was an amazing marketing campaign and really does work for those members. Are you in the truth one would ask? Very clever and what is the Brother So and So about? I don't really remember if the early stories included Brother Moses or Abraham, even in the new testament I don't recall any of the writers calling each other Brother John or Timothy? Correct me if I'm wrong for sure.
Also where were the female writers of our most famous stories? Oh yes that's right they were to be considered as the weaker vessel. I always thought that referred to women being emotionally inferior vs. physical strength but now that I have some life experience, women are amazingly strong emotionally and will often present different ways to look at situations that us men may not consider!
That brings me to my dilemma of being raised a JW as far as emotion and responsible use of emotion that I have thought a lot about recently. A quick background to this - ( by the way this is a very cathartic for me so far just finding an outlet such as this so thank you ), anyways raised in a great family with 5 brothers and sisters, loving parents, hard workers and did not really know that my life was so different until early teens.
Then came what are you getting for xmas joho? I was not allowed to participate fully in sport which I loved and excelled at and really started to struggle with the door to door stuff because invariably I would end up seeing my classmates', I suddenly knew that it was odd being treated differently than my peers. This was all explained in that we were part of God's chosen people and like the examples of old we could get strength from the organisation and prayer. Talk about inculcating read brainwashing from a young age as Timothy was by his solo Mum. but that philosophy was a big one.When we went out in public or to the meetings we were on best behaviour but when we came home it was back to 'normal' life talking about what someone wore or what funny answers they might have said! I quickly developed a double life, one to fit in with the serious nature of the prayers, singing, getting dressed up like it was a wedding and being a well behaved little member!
Obviously in the late teens I was an expert and it wasn't hard to pretend at the meetings because everyone else was and then I could go back to having fun as it were. I then realised that my Dad was a very controlling patriarchal type father who even though I'm sure he loved us he seemed to spend more time witnessing and conducting studies ( he was the presiding overseer ) or helping some distraught member of the flock than actually spending time with us. So it was his way and that was that and even though there might be rushing around stress to get to the meeting on time as soon as we were there it was all smiles for the congregation. We all grew up thinking we were very special, had the right religion and yet when I left the JW's at the age of 29 when my first - too early and young marriage ended because I thought the man was the boss and the wife shouldn't work etc.etc. haha then I was out with the worldly people and I wasn't so special, really did not have great social skills in that environment because now it wasn't just the double life I was playing it was real and pretending well only gets you so far.
Righto that was a little of history from 18 years ago. I believe I'm a different person now, still have spiritual beliefs but they tend towards a universal energy. However the bit that still rears its ugly mug is the control of emotions or lack thereof.
I believe that this has come from all those years of not displaying real emotion. E for energy in motion....emotion... right? That was fine if it was for preaching or answering in the meetings, well done brother but when I got emotional in one judicial an elder slammed his bible into his fist saying you are mocking god. What by trying to be real and have an opinion at 18years old? So I guess you learn to hide your emotions', pretend everything is alright and sweep it under the carpet. I learnt at an early age it was better to go into my cave than be real about emotion.
The WBTS does not promote healthy emotion. As adults we are meant to be in control of our emotions and mood swings and not the other way around. I still find myself playing the rebellious teenager in social occasions just because I can. I was never allowed to do this for fear of a telling off so occasionally I'll just let go and act out!
My wife was never in anything like this and struggles with my lack of ability to be real about my feelings and emotions and using my cave to hide in instead of talking and working through my feelings....it is detrimental to a healthy relationship she says...she wants me to open up be real, talk about my feelings deal with my emotions and just BE ME.....instead of clamming up and being a "prickly hedgehog" or going in my cave. I guess the fear of being accepted as Me makes me either reactive "prickly hedgehog" or go into my cave..... an upbringing of being told to act a certain way be a certain way or fear of retribution makes it hard to own myself love myself and be free to BE!
So there you go and would love feedback because I wish to keep growing and have a great relationship with first my family but everyone else as well. The thing I'm most pleased about (other than meeting an amazing, supportive and understanding woman ten years ago) is that when I left the exclusive witnesses so did my children and they have been raised without the guilt and fear! YAY and at 20 and 18 are approaching life with an easy open style and taking the challenges on board themselves instead of waiting for an upper power to fix life. Cheers all