Hi,
Here's part 3 of my parting with the Organization while still trying to keep my sanity and faith. Hope I'm not boring you too much.
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Meantime, it became necessary for me to change occupations. I had been a house painter for most of my life and had specialized in finishing natural woods. Lacquer was one of the prime materials used. Finally, all of the chemicals caught up to me. The prime symptoms were depression and a terrible lack of energy. I beat around for a time doing odd jobs, but it soon became apparent that I was going have to do something drastic, as we were sliding deeper and deeper in debt. But, I had another disadvantage. I was nearly fifty years old and not everyone would hire me.
It seemed that there was only one way out. There was an advertisement wanting older men to drive semi-trucks nationwide. I took a driving course and then applied to them and was accepted right away. It was awful being away from home, but I knew one thing for sure: I was about to learn a great deal about myself and what kind of a man I was, for whether I liked it or not or was ready for it or not was beside the point. Satan was going to get his crack at me anyway. It seemed to fit right in with the solutions to questions 1 and 2 above. Let ‘er rip.
I remembered back to when I stalked out of the room after the meeting with the appeals committee. I was angry. My last words to them were “I’m going to pioneer anyway!” I meant that. It soon became apparent though that I didn’t dare, as it would violate my daughters’ consciences, and that took precedence. But what was preventing me from giving my witness to the heavens?
Thus it was that I gradually winnowed out the answer to the 4th question above. It appeared to be a world class opportunity to give an answer to Satan’s taunt to Jehovah. Even if this perception was wrong though, what a practice session this would make! And how eager I felt! After all, does not Ephesians 6: 12 point out that “ . . . we have a wrestling not against blood and flesh, but . . . against the wicked spirit forces in the heavenly places.” How do we do that by hiding behind our mother’s skirts?
Now we are getting somewhere. Next problem: what form would this answer have to take in order to be a legitimate answer to the question posed? I needed to do some study.
A passage in the book, The Truth That Leads to Eternal Life came to mind. In the chapter “Why has God Permitted Wickedness Until Our Day?” on page 67, paragraph 7, it reads:
“Satan’s false charges against God may be illustrated, to a certain extent, in a human way. Suppose a man having a large family is accused by one of his neighbors of many false things about the way he manages his household. Suppose the neighbor also says that the family members have no real love for their father but only stay with him to obtain the food and material things he gives them. How might the father of the family answer such charges? If he simply used violence against the accuser, this would not answer the charges. Instead, it might suggest that they were true. But what a fine answer it would be if he permitted his own family to be his witnesses to show that their father was indeed a just and loving family head and that they were happy to live with him because they loved him! Thus he would be completely vindicated. --- Proverbs 27: 11; Isaiah 43: 10.”
I liked this, for it made sense as far as it goes. But I realized that there was more to it than that. To let one’s own family provide the answer would work only under the right conditions, otherwise Satan need merely claim that Jehovah had influenced them. For instance, if we stay close to the congregation and try to provide the answer, Satan can say, “Well, sure, they would say that. After all, if they say any different you will kick them out in the cold like you did Adam and Eve.” Other claims he could make in such instances could be that because Jehovah has poisoned our minds we are too frightened to examine the evidence impartially, or that we cling to Jehovah for the simple reason that that is all we know and that we would never stick to him if we were aware of all the wonderful things he (Satan) had for us.
That Satan would use arguments like this is indisputable. Look at the times that the Bible records his speech. The first, at Genesis 3: 4, 5 reads: “ . . . You positively well not die. For God knows that in the very day of your eating from it your eyes are bound to be opened and you are bound to be like God, knowing good and bad.” In another instance (Job 1: 9, 10) he states: “ . . . Is it for nothing that Job has feared God? Have not you yourself put up a hedge about him and about his house and about everything that he has all around? The work of his hands you have blessed, and his livestock itself has spread abroad in the earth.” The creating of doubt and letting it just hang in the air seems to be Satan’s modus operandi.
Such reflections as these made me realize why it is that we are to be tested alone. Our testimony must be just that: ours. Carefully memorized lists of “‘sposed to’s” and “not ‘sposed to’s” won’t work, and neither will any careful repetition of dogma. If that were all that was needed, then Jehovah would have created us to be like glorified tape recorders, faithfully spouting only that which had been recorded. What is important here is not that certain words are correctly said. Rather, our opinions and heart conditions are what count in answering the question that Satan has posed.
If he wants an opinion, I’ll give him one. Yu betcha I will!!!! One side or a leg off!!!
I suppose this sounds like madness to most people, and insanely reckless. I knew that, but that didn’t make any difference. David’s willingness to take on the giant Goliath spurred me on, and his words were an inspiration. 1 Samuel 17: 45-47.
Yeah, yeah I know. Here I am pretending to be a modern day David, they will say. And I suppose that if I try to follow our exemplars good example they will say that I think that I am trying to be a modern day Christ too. Get out of here. I will admit one thing though. Whether literally or figuratively, I do know how to use a sling! Arf, arf!
And so it began, with breath-taking speed.
To be continued.
LoneWolf