To be a real true believer, AND a JW you have to be really mentally messed up

by gubberningbody 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • gubberningbody
    gubberningbody

    ...or have brain-fragmentation...

    The mental fragmentation necessary to be a true believer.

    To be a true believer means that every time you make a decision as to what to do with your time next you have to chant:

    "Prayer, Study, Meetings, Service."

    Hierarchy:

    Prayer and Study and Meetings = Service

    P + S + M = S

    Association should always be to the intent of examining self and others as regards their and your PSM and S.

    If you must work, then it should be preferably with brothers. If none are available, then self-employment. If that's off the table, then secular work with a view to witnessing to any and everyone you can.

    Pumping gas? Why not carry a f*cking tract with you?

    Did you see someone who wasn't drinking the koolaid? Well, you good for nothing?...Did you follow them around and pester them to see if you could witness to them?

    Oh, and if you ever eat out, be sure to bend the ear of the waiter to the good news. They'll have to listen if they want a tip. Oh, and wrap that tip around a When Someone You Love Dies, tract. That'll sweeten the pot.

    Vacation?

    Screw that! I'm working remote territory in "Deliverance" country. Even inbred angry perverted hillbillies need the TRUTH.

    TV? WTF!!!! Hell no. I'm telephone witnessing.

    I've even got a waterproof hands-free set with an autodialer preloaded with numbers so that even when I'm dropping a deuce, I'm adropping a holy deuce, sanctified in connection with service.

    I've also found a way to stay witnessing 24X7 because I'll just learn foreign languages so I can phone-witness round the clock.

    Oh.... Why am I doing this?

    Because Jehovah is holding the planet and its inhabitants hostage and I only have so much time before he kills them all with earthquakes, and massive hailstones.

  • gubberningbody
    gubberningbody

    Oh! NOOOO!!! I overslept and all those people I COULD have spoken to may DIE because I had to have my f*cking beauty sleep!

    Oh, I know maybe if I get an email extractor, I can pull all those addresses in banned countries and spam them some tracts in their own language!

    YAY!!!!

    hey...I wonder how much time I get to count if I send 250,000 spams out and at least 1% are read? Will I get 2500 * however many minutes it takes for them to read it?...Can I count my time that I'm using in preparation for the email spam session?

    Wait! Maybe I can get a 1-900 spiritual hotline and a recorded message from the WT and send the proceeds on for the kingdom work!

    ...No more breaks for me! I'm wearing depends and I have a catheter and energy bars and a camelback water supply infused with no-doze!!!

    I'll be out ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT!!!!!

  • gubberningbody
  • thenoblelodge
    thenoblelodge

    Are you being shunned??????

  • gubberningbody
    gubberningbody

    Geez! It's a joke!

    Maybe too much koolaide ruins your brain, or maybe all those years of reading only WT pubs rots peoples minds.

  • thenoblelodge
    thenoblelodge

    I know your post is a joke.... I was joking about you being shunned because no one had posted on it.

  • Meeting Junkie No More
    Meeting Junkie No More
    ...No more breaks for me! I'm wearing depends and I have a catheter and energy bars and a camelback water supply infused with no-doze!!!
    I'll be out ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT!!!!!

    The sad part is I actually knew someone this devoted/deluded.

  • LostGeneration
    LostGeneration

    I think a fairly small percentage really follows ALL of the preaching direction to a T. I know I did not, i laughed to myself silently as they demo people harassing others with tracts in the doctors office. I laughed as they demo going on vacation in Kansas so they could work isolated territory.

    Ya right, I took my vacation in Cali, Mexico, or Florida. I didnt bring a shred of WT material, nor my dress clothes. Those were my weeks off from the cult, and though I didnt really recognize it at the time is was time to be my "true self" No wonder i loved going on vacation so much.

    Now the true believers, yeah I agree those are some scary folks.

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