by Broken Promises 9 Replies latest jw friends
Do you look back now and realise the number of times you didn't stand up for yourself?
When you cow-towed to the elders in order to "be submissive" yet it made you feel ignored or stupid?
Do you revisit situations where you should have stood up for yourself, yet didn't?
YES! I must have been so stupid, I truly believed all their crap AND I believed they were almost perfect! or at least striving in that direction.
How idiotic; the elders are just ordinary or lesser mortals, most are on a power trip which they can only get in the JW's; they are in fact bullies.
I think one of the times I first stood up to an elder was the beginning of my exit as a JW.
Here was a window cleaner, telling an adult female (me) what to do in my private life - AND GETTING UPSET BECAUSE I DIDN'T MEEKLY DEFER TO HIS DEMANDS!!!!
It's funny thinking back about it...
I was in fact too submissive to the slimebag that dragged me into the cancer. He had the strictest interpretation of everything, wanted me to throw away whole albums for one "bad" song (and songs that weren't even all that bad), to be a pio-sneer, and ultimately he wanted me to follow his "code" where he dictated everything from the brand, size, and variety of toothpaste I was to use to the color of my suits.
Had I been just a little more submissive to this scumbag, I would have moved into the apartment complex he started managing several months into my study. And I have no certain way of telling how that would have turned out. For sure, he would have drained my means of living so I would have been forced to move with him. And, given his way of making his then-8 year old nephew more attractive than he actually was by keeping me into an all-male environment, I think there is a good chance he would have had me doing something gross with him.
Sometimes it pays to not listen.
Yep...for a long time...I used to really believe and even want to believe that they represented Jah...and I sooo didnt want to upset Him ...in time it was impossible to believe they did....so many times I wished I'd really spoken my mind, now. I met some real manipulative deceitful bullies amongst them.
Loz x
When I was young YES but in my adult life I have ripped some "a new one".
Well, Yes I was.
Having been born in, and seeing the kind of people who were elevated to "Servant", later called Elder etc. I was never under the impression they were anything special.
But I did believe their position and the "Theocratic " way the Soc.was organized was sanctioned by god, so I did much as Jesus asked of his followers, "Do as the Pharisees say" not as they do, so I was never that submissive.
I do look back with hindsight and wish that I had known somewhat more of what I know now, as I kept my mouth shut on too many occasions, I knew I was right, but I was prepared to keep quiet ,and let them find out,perhaps.
Totally
The day that the elder demanded that had the total responsibility of taking care of my parents. Telling me that it did not matter that my parents sexually abused me.
That was the day I think I had my first near breakdown. There is a huge story here to much to go into on this space.
But yes I LET the elders destroy me. I look back now and can only truly blame myself.
LITS
Dear "life is too short",
Do not blame yourself, you did not have the knowledge or the tools necessary to counter the great evil that is the controlling WT.
If you feel it will be cathartic, then post your full story on another thread (again ? you may have posted it before, but many new ones may not know it), you will find love and support here, and others like you who did not know that they were being abused by the WT.
The Elders alone bear responsibility for what they did.
