Still Stuck Inside: Coping by Seeing the Cult Personality as a Child

by WalkTall 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • WalkTall
    WalkTall

    As I've mentioned on the board before, I am still inside (for now) hopefully until I can get my children to start thinking more on their own. One way I have been coping with all the ridiculous nonsense around me is to see and treat the cult personality as the child it is. Realizing that has helped me to understand how intelligent, articulate people remain as cult members. It is the child inside them (albeit maybe a Chucky-style child sometimes) that takes control over them.

    When I am around JW's I speak their language much I like I change my style of speaking with children. I use terminology they understand. Also, realizing that children live in a fantasy world. I understand that children believe in fantasy characters, like Santa Claus, and cannot tell the difference between Mr. Rogers, a real live man, and Bert and Ernie, pretend men. Isn't that the way it is with JW's? To them Adam and Eve are as real as Brad and Angelina. As with children, the cult personality cannot discern the difference between reality and the stories they've been told.

    And like children, the cult personality needs to be told what to do at every step. Young children look up to and idolize their parents. They do not yet see their faults and weaknesses. The sun rises and sets on their parents. So it is with the cult personality and the organization and it's GB. Have you ever smiled at a young child and they recoil in fear? It is because they have been told by mom and dad to fear strange people, so even though you mean no harm, they cannot discern that for themselves yet, and fear the unknown. Same with JW's. The child-like cult person has been told to fear apostates, worldly people, anything not approved by it's 'parents'.

    Maybe we all have this childlike part of us; after all most people believe in God; they want some fantasies to hang onto. I think the difference with JW's is that the child overtakes them, becomes the dominant part of who they are. Every now and then the adult comes out and starts warring with the child, and that is the easiest way that I understand what cognitive dissonance is.

    I know this is a simplified understanding of a very complex behavioral dysfunction. But sometimes it helps me cope with being in the WT world. I look around and see 'children' with bad parents, who are truly abused.

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    Loved your take on it. I truly think you are right on. It is not that you simplified it but you put it in words easy to understand and it can make us treat our family members with more kindness.

    LITS

  • Alligator Wisdom
    Alligator Wisdom

    Walktall, you packaged up cognitive dissonance in an easy to understand situation that almost anybody can relate to.

    I'm saving this for future use. Thanks!

    Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)

  • Markfromcali
    Markfromcali

    Yes, I was doing a search in connection with my thread about subtly coaching JWs to understand things at more mature level and a link I came across used the word heteronomous. Basically it is like the opposite of autonomous, instead of self governing you are governed by an outside influence.

    Of course, many religions frame things in terms of an external authority figure, but the natural process of development is that people become more and more autonomous. It reminds me of a title by an educator called The Paradox of Extended Childhood. Rather than encouraging maturation, it is a system designed to create dependency and control.

    But I have to say the good news is you're aware of this while your children have yet to spend so much time in such arrested development, so you are in a position to help them actually mature into a thinking adult - that's huge.

    Tag from the tea I'm drinking: The remembrance of youth is a sigh.

  • 3Mozzies
    3Mozzies

    Well written Walktall I loved it!

    I'm sending it to a friend, hopes it helps her :)

    3Mozzies

  • GrandmaJones
    GrandmaJones

    I think you are quite right. That is it exactly. No questions. Mom is always good, always smart, can do anything, always right. She has your best interests at heart, doesn't she.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    I hate to add "me too" posts but Walk Tall, I agree with the others that your post is excellent.

  • WalkTall
    WalkTall

    Thank you all for your comments. Even if my family should never awaken, I hope that, through whatever contributions I can make on this board, I might be able to help save another person some of the suffering that has occured, and might yet occur, in my life because of this religion. It was the most painful moment of my life when I realized none of it was real. Finding this board helped ease the pain and confusion, understanding that I was not alone, that I was not some horrible person who was turning their back on Jehovah and some established 'truth'. And even though I am choosing to remain inside right now as I try to gently introduce to my family what I have come to discover on my own, you have all saved my sanity many times over and have made me feel as if I am truly on a journey with friends.

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