It was my second interview with him; Him, I should say; He gets peevish when I don't capitalize.
The first interview hadn't gone well, I don't think I can use anything from it.
Okay, here is an example, judge for yourself:
So back to King David; there are some who would question why he is considered a good king; after all he cheated on his wives with Bathsheba, lied about it and then murdered her husband. Right there, three commandments violated. But you decided to forgive him.
“Ok, so he wasn't perfect. What's your point? Why not talk about what he did get done; he went through Canaan and kicked serious ass, that's what he did. Those people were disgusting; he rolled over 'em and set up the kingdom. He didn't get away with it all together; remember his young son died.”
So the murder, adultery, free pass? And then you take it out on his infant son?
“No, no, he definitely made some mistakes, as they say now. Thing is, no one ever questioned him at the time; King, OK? You don't live long calling out the king. Nathan, he did, but he was not too bright. He just caught David on a good day.
The point is, those pointy headed priests and twitty scribes that rewrote the story made sure they hit him up with the, uh, more human failings, they never tell about how he got the whole damn nation behind him.
Besides, David had a lot of kids, no shortage there; he liked making 'em, you notice.
Now those were some times; gold, silver, taking the land from river to sea, that is my David; and then Solomon, I notice you aren't dogging me about Solomon. Solomon knew how to live; that’s how I want to be known, that’s how I roll, you might say. Wives from all over, gold is the thing, just throw away your silver. Oh, and you precious little people had plenty to eat, too, I notice you aren't mentioning that.
Or maybe you don't believe about Solomon and all his glory, either; maybe you are 'agnostic', just an atheist without conviction, or a critic. Well, what about it?”
Anyway, that kind of stuff; a little ranty. Honestly, I think He had been drinking.
For this interview, he had popped into my realm as a sort of modern day fast talker, in a suit that shimmered all colors of the rainbow and some I hadn't seen, with a knot in the tie that was impossibly even and shoes that shined, but not too much. He was sucking on a caramel macchiato from you know where. When I asked him about it, he mumbled something about the frame of the modern culture.
And I had to walk down a long hallway to get to him; it was white, like all the stories, but not so bright, like I had imagined, and honestly the walls and floors had a bit of a shopworn look to them. Like that hallway you have to walk down to get to the restrooms in the strip mall that is past its prime.
My first question for this session was what He thought of the state of religion in the modern world; what did He think of how the world was portraying him? Did he have any comment on the view of some from years past that He was dead, that religion was on the wane?
“ What, are you kidding? Do you even read the papers? I am hot, I am back. On the wane? Pffffhhhh.
You obviously are not paying attention.
Look, don't even look at what the craziest Muslims are doing, or Pat Robertson saying I hit New Orleans because they were sinners (actually I was aiming for Las Vegas), although I have gotten a hell of a bump from their fervor. Religion is on the RISE, my little moron, not the wane.
Look at that fat, ignorant country you live in; half, yeah, half of the country thinks that I created them outright. Gotta be a record of some kind. They don't even pick up a science book. It takes me back to the good old days, when the whole damn world thought the world revolved around your little planet. Say what you want, those were some times.”
Yes, I say; dark ages, I think they called them, ended by the Enlightenment, and people learning to read.
“You really can't think that your world is too sophisticated for me, can you? How many people in your little experimental country think an Alaskan hillbilly should be president, huh? It warms my heart. At least she believes in me, and isn't afraid to talk about it.”
And what did your enlightenment get everyone? Confused and lost, that's where. Filled with questions; what good do questions do for me?
Look, you only know those old times from books; I was there. At least people knew what to expect; they knew who was boss. There were rules; you were born here, you did this. You were born over there, you did that. And they knew where they were going when they died. Order, that's what we had.”
Order, I say; are you saying that class division, division between haves and have nots, slaves and owners, those are the things you like?
" There you go again. I am saying that my people were large and in charge back then; people didn’t have to wonder what was right and wrong, they had lots of guidance. No moral confusion, no wondering where they came from or where they were going. Good, heaven; bad, hell. Simple and straightforward."
I offer up that the modern version of the crusades seems right on track, that the little dust up between Christians and Muslims is rolling ahead; he must object to that.
“Look, you worry too much about it. Sure, sure, there have been a few untimely and messy deaths, but at least they are interested, they are engaged. People are finally arguing again about who I am, and what I want, that really warms my heart.”
I finally offer that this violence cannot be what He wants, or the struggle between one believer and another, or that he really approved of David; David was plenty violent after all. When David is on the scene, someone is going to get killed or violated, by my readings.
“What, David again? You are really hung up on that guy, kid. David was just a gung ho guy, he killed a few of the Canaanites, his fellow countrymen if you have been doing your deep reading.
He has been the hero of 3 major religions for centuries; why are you quibbling over a few missteps? You know, plenty of real believers in a couple religions I can think of are interested in keeping David and his exploits up there; his little raids of the countryside helped set the boundaries of the holy land, you know.
But back to now, here is the deal: you are just missing the point completely. It doesn't matter what I want, or did, or want to do.
It only matters what people THINK I want, and what they are willing to do to others to see that it is done.
Those people who left this earthly scene in the towers, what did it matter if I wanted them dead or not? The guys with the planes, they thought I did.
That's power, that's what I am saying.
I am on a roll now, don't even think I'm not.
Just try to stay on the right side, kid.”
And with that, He disappeared.