Realised that after leaving many years ago I don't have much of a social circle!! Has anyone else realised that we were not taught to be good in social circles except those that were approved associates?
I recently went to a birthday party of a 45 year old guy and thought wow - this is what it is like to have formed a healthy social circle. Kinda sad really.
I feel looking back that it is because we were always on the defensive, being ridiculed and always feeling like we had to justify ourselves. Being a prickly hedgehog in 'normal' life is very anti-social. Looking for hidden meanings all the time.
Hasn't really done much for my marriage either but fortunately my wife has grown up without the mindfade and I have learnt to accept friends and people for who they are instead of thinking that they might be thinking something else if you know what I mean.
Growing up with a defensive mind-set is child abuse in my thinking and that we were intrinsically correct meant that anyone with a different viewpoint was having a crack at us. I was always told 'sticks and stones' stuff and to ignore it but really an organisation with glass walls should not throw stones either. The biggest issue for me is that unconsciously I have always been looking for the hidden meaning in what people say to me instead of being able to just listen to what they are saying I'm always thinking they are having a crack at me or trying to tell me something in a subtle way instead of being straight up with me. Hence the term prickly hedgehog which my wife uses to describe me when I am reacting to imaginary insults.....I guess when you grow up in a family who are judging and a religion who are judging and go to a school where you are deemed different so also being judged, you just get so used to being judged as wrong that it becomes second nature, like breathing....you have to assess what everyone is saying to defend yourself rather than just being present and being in the conversation knowing that you are a good person and the people round you are just being and sharing and not actually having judgemental thoughts about you or looking for fault!
And I guess the best way to get attention is to do something that people disapprove of Just to get the attention!! Doesn't really work that well in the real world though so trying not be different and just fit in and be a good guy is something I'm aware of and working on in social situations - because I am good enough! Cheers