Even Mermaids Get the Blues

by Cadellin 5 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Cadellin

  Hi all:

  Feeling particularly down today--got an email sent to me showing a pic of a friend of mine (not close but we knew each other well when kids) w/her aging parents, standing proudly beside her 11 year old daughter who had just got baptized (3 generations--parents, nearing 80, my friend late 40's and her 11 year old daughter). They're all beaming wildly, dressed up in their best Dist Assem. clothes. The little girl is in the center, with her scrubbed face, tidy hair and knee-length skirt. This pic brought a cloud of despair down on my head--I just kept thinking what's wrong with ME? I can see this religion for what it is, but here are decent, smart, rational people I've known my whole life--and they're still in it and now have pushed this poor little 11 year old into it too!

  Honestly, folks, I know you all speak of people leaving left and right but when I look back on my fam and friends (I'm born-in, btw, as are virtually all the people of whom I speak) I see them and their kids all doing "the Truth" gangbusters, right across the board. Even some of the ones I knew as a teen who were partying wildly while I was plodding along dutifully in the ministry are now back and reg pioneering. I don't get, some days--I JUST DON'T GET IT!!! And then I feel like some kind of warped monster...

  I will never be free of this religion. And sometimes I just want to die.
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  Coffee House Girl

  Ah remember that it is just a picture, a snapshot- doesn't always reflect happy lives forever, I have looked at past pics of me at DC or circuit assemblies and we are all smiling happy, but that doesn't reflect what I was feeling deep inside. I know it can be frustrating talking to dubs about all their "plans" in life of reg pioneering and meetings and service, they make it sound happy and upbuilding- but you and I know that it is BS covering over unhappiness at the core.

  I will never forget what my niece told me when I told her and my sister that I did'nt want to be a witness anymore & that I was unhappy and wanted to change my life because I was praying to Jehovah to die everyday-

  she said that everybody in Jehovah's organization is unhappy, she said how she hated her life and she felt ugly and unwanted- she is still a regular pioneer....still stuck single in a small fishbowl of few eligible men who onlly want a 18 year old submissive waif. It is so sad...she is so beautiful and funny....

  hang in there, I am happy to be of the "conscious class" who got out, aren't you??

  CHG
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  Cadellin

  CHG--thanks for the cheering words. You are right--pitures can lie and I happen to know the hostility and cold-heartedness that this family has displayed to each other over the years. Still, I feel so bad for this sweet little girl who's only doing what she's been told every single day of her short life is the ONLY right thing to do.

  Yes, I am glad to be of the "conscious class." Thank God for you and everyone on this site...
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  Hadit

  Sending hugs to you! You are not warped, nor a monster - you are awake while they are fast asleep under mind control. It's hard being awake and still influenced by the mind control and seeing people still in it.

  Your life is worth far, far more than wanting to die because of a religion! You never know who you will be the catalyst for some day to wake up. You will need to be there for the ones who come out!

  Take heart and I hope you feel better. Don't give them power over you. The power is yours alone!

  Sending love,

  Hadit
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  leavingwt

  Please hang in there. I'm sorry that you've lost your family to the WT organization. You deserve better.
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  Cadellin

  Coffehouse Girl, Hadit, leaving wt: Thanks so much for your kind responses. I'm feeling WAY BETTER today--that was just a momentary wave of bitterness that I have been able to shrug off. I can't tell you how much I appreciate hearing from people who are also of the Conscious Class!!! Have an awesome weekend!