Working on the kids...not at ease.

by Aussie Oz 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    Sometimes i feel like i am going to lose the 'battle' for my kids. It's hard when you only get to see them every second weekend and my boy even less now that he has his drivers licence...mates are more important than seeing dad you know.

    Daughter is the deeper thinking one i think. Had a good little talk to her today about a flyer i got in my letterbox from the Christadelphians. Really good flyer actaully because although the layout and printing was obviously not watchtower style, the message was exactly the same as JW's; increasing disasters...unemployment...death...war...stable future...gods better world...bible...paradise... etc. You get the picture. I asked her who's message is this to which she made a guess at the witnesses. I asked how could this be? Are you not told that you are the only ones with this message? Led to a good little talk about adventists, millerites etc as well.

    Son on the other hand, at the moment is just consumed by earning money, saving for a new car and chasing a JW girl. Acknowledges that he should be questioning the teachings before baptism but doesn't seem to think there is an issue really...has lots of peers and older ones he knows are JW but also go to metal concerts, party and get drunk...so it's given him a false sense of the dangers of being a witness. He feels it all just makes sense so he just goes with the flow it seems. He thinks he will not be made to shun his father...

    I really fear and i told him so today, that he will upgrade this girl to girlfriend soon, want to marry her at 18 and have to be baptised before that...a line of thinking he agreed on. Already slowed down and started to be a little more good, because ''if i lose my licence i wont be able to work and be with her and provide for her''. So i see the subtle grip tightening on him. The little witness girl (or boy) love interest will be what has i think, no doubt suckered a good many into staying and not questioning the religion.

    Had a good talk about how important it is to do his questioning now and not later when it may be too late. Wife, kids you know what i mean... Better to loose a girl friend now if you stopped being a witness that to lose a family later sort of talk. I asked what's important to him...is it doctrine? Does it matter what they have taught or changed? Is it history of the witnesses? It seems the only answer is that it makes sense to him.

    so i guess my challenge is to find ways to show that it makes no sense. Somethings he can already see but wants to ignore...

    oz down in the dumps

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    It makes "sense" because your boy is only looking at things superficially. Just as he's looking at life - all 18 yr olds care about is cars and girls. And money because with money he can get both cars and girls.

    Don't despair. He's young. You've given him advice about condoms etc. Even if he was living with you, chances are you'd still only know 50% of what he was doing most of the time.

  • DagothUr
    DagothUr

    I also had this problem. I think this is the reason why I have not left earlier. There were some interesting girls at my congo, waiting to be married and I was a good pick. MS material, pretty good financial situation...I was in a great sniping position. The only problem with me is that I think too much sometimes. So one day I asked myself "are they really what I want or are they what my penis wants"?

  • nugget
    nugget

    It is hard because he is a typical teen but stuck within a JW framework. Outside the org he would be free to date the 18yr old girl and discover that after a while it is an inconvenience to be tied to a girlfriend when her wishes conflict with his. He would be a leisure to determine they have nothing in common and they would both inevitably move on to different relationships as older and wiser people. In JW world it is hard to move onto new relationships because dating is prelude to marriage. They are swept along to the wedding day with no opportunity to evaluate whether it is wise or desirable to be married so young.

    The boy I thought was fab at 18 I couldn't abide when I got to 19. Ask him to reflect on the marriages of young ones at the hall and how many have stood the test of time. how many couples look happy and content and how many stressed and miserable?

    When my husband stepped down I was truly shocked to learn that witness marriages are in fact more unstable than so called worldly ones. In our area affairs, sex before marriage, divorce and separation are extremely common. Most occasions are kept hidden but there is enough evidence from casual observation to show that the witness practice of early marriage is a disaster.

    Ask him if he wasn't a witness would he be planning to marry at 18 like so many youths do? How would he see his life then if he had freedom to find the person who truly complimented him and had time?

    Keep working on him the longer he has to think the better.

  • wheelwithinwheel
    wheelwithinwheel

    sports / teams - a no-no for JW children

    sinful competition as they say- or the team spirit that they really fear

    contradiction - JW dads spend hours watching competitive sports on TV - most will attend events - they all have their favourite team - our D.O used to make unabashed allusion to his favourite in Ass talks.......but the WT forbids kids participation

    I would point out the real reason is evidently not the competition that the WT wants to avoid. If so it would be deemed a sin to be a spectator or to root for a particular team. What they really want to avoid is a JW kid becoming tight with worldlies (and discovering great friendships outside of the cult)

  • TweetieBird
    TweetieBird

    I had the same problem with one of my sons. He insisted on getting baptized because all of his friends were and he was interested in a witness girl. He got disfellowshipped right after baptism and tried to get reinstated but they kept procrastinating it so he finally gave up and is now a free man, mentally.

    He use to defend the cult because all of his friends were a part of it, but he's a very social person and soon developed friends on the outside and is now practically living with his non-JW girlfriend, so hang in there. It may just be a social thing right now.

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    thanks lots

    i see some stuff i will use here...

    very good advice, thanks again

    ps. sorry for the tardy acknowledments...my interent has been woeful and unusable of late

    oz

  • JAFO
    JAFO

    Hi lil' bro.. good to see your interwebs is working some of the time again..

    I agree with the others here.. you need to show him how the troof does NOT make sense.. AND that it does not make sense to tie himself down to one girl at his age..

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